Page 120 of Almost Ours

“You’re bullshit!”

“Wait.” His footsteps get quicker behind me. “Why are you actually going outside?”

“I told you, I’m going home!” I take another step down the corridor, shaking out my coat and swinging it around to put it on, but before I can get one arm through the sleeve Josh catches hold of the coat itself and pulls it straight out of my hands. “Josh!” He turns and flings it back through his open front door. I gape at him. “Did you just throw my fucking coat into your flat?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s December!”

“Then come back inside.”

“You absolute—”

“Ruby.” He moves in front of me before I can stalk past him, blocking the corridor with his body. “You are not leaving.” He pinches the fabric at my belly button and uses it to tug me backwards into the flat, then swings the door shut behind me, taking a step away.

The fight drains out of me so quickly it leaves me cold. My throat closes, my eyes start burning and I have to turn away from him, giving him my back. I feel stupid. I am stupid. I’m a stupid girl who likes a boy that will never like me back. Begging that same boy for something he has never wanted to give me.

I swipe angrily beneath my eyes before anything can fall. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Behind me, Josh drags in a breath. “Rubes—”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry.” I wave to the door. “I really should go.”

“Please don’t. We can talk about this properly.”

I shake my head. “You were trying to tell me no and wouldn’t listen. I’m really sorry.”

“Fuck,” he mutters, and I hear him move behind me. “I’ve fucked this up, not you. Okay? I’ve been confusing the shit out of you and I know I have.”

“No, Josh. This one is on me. You were being clear and I was being a bitch.”

His strong arms come around my body, pulling me back into him. “I should’ve stopped saying no when I don’t actually mean no.”

Shaking my head, I fight off the tears. “You should let me go home.”

“But I don’t want you to go.” He replies thickly, breath fanning my neck. “I want you here with me.” He kisses my shoulder gently. “I always want you with me.”

I tremor beneath him. “I want you to want me the way I want you.”

His arms tighten around me. “I do.”

“You don’t,” I croak.

“I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you what you deserve.”

My lip wobbles. “But I only want you. I’m just waiting for you to choose me back.”

“The thing is, Ruby. I think I already have.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Thursday

December 17th 2015

Ruby:

I don’t move. I’m not even sure I breathe, and Josh stays behind me for a beat before his arms slowly loosen. His hands slide to my sides and he turns me carefully until I’m facing him, taking his time with it like the whole argument has knocked the fight out of both of us.