Page 45 of Love You Like This

I slide the iPad that controls everything from lights to the sound system in the house over to her. “You can browse my music collection if you want,” I say as I open the sound system app. “Pick whatever you’re in the mood for.”

I leave her at the island and walk down the hall to my bedroom. Making quick work of stripping out of my sweaty performance clothes, I leave them all in a pile on my bathroom floor to pick up later. I don’t want to leave her alone for too long in case she bolts. The shower barely has time to heat up before I’m inside scrubbing myself down and washing my hair.

After I’ve dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants that sit low on my hips and towel dried my hair, I walk out to the most beautiful sight. Jade has one leg tucked under herself while the one hanging taps along to the heavy synth beats of the Taylor Swift album she chose to listen to. Her lips move along with every lyric though she never sings out loud. Her skirt has ridden up her thigh, showcasing her long, creamy thigh.

She hasn’t noticed me yet, so I take my fill of looking at her. She’s got her phone open, no doubt working on something for one of us. Perhaps editing some photos to post for the LA gratitude carousel. I want to freeze this moment. Years of working with her, being in her presence, while not being given the gift of her quiet proximity like this has been torture.

She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and frowns at something on her screen. My fingers ache to smooth the furrow of her brow, to once again feel the softness of her skin beneath me. Her spine straightens, and she bends one way, then the other to stretch.

She does a double take when she catches a glimpse of me out of the corner of her eye. “Have you just been standing there watching me like some kind of creep?”

“Yes.”

She snorts and shakes her head at my honesty. I don’t miss the way her eyes travel over my bare chest and dip down to the muscles of my lower abdomen, though. She can pretend to not be attracted to me all she wants, but the flush of pink on her chest will always give away all her secrets.

I grab a bowl and rubber spatula to mix up the batter while the griddle plate warms up on the stove. My favorite song from this album comes on, and I start singing along without thinking about it. When I look up from what I was doing, I find her watching me with softened eyes.

“What?”

“Do you know how many people would give anything to see you shirtless, cooking, and singing along to Taylor Swift like this?”

“Probably quite a few.” I dump blueberries into the batter. “But lucky for me, you’re the only one allowed to experience this.”

“I’m sure plenty of women have sat in this spot.” She rolls her eyes. “Don’t act like I haven’t seen you over the past several years.”

“I’ve never brought anyone to this house,” I say it with nonchalance even though it’s anything but.

There’s something about this home that I’m deeply protective of. Maybe it’s because I can just be myself in a way that’s more authentic than any of my other properties. Having the ocean as my backyard definitely has something to do with it. But it’s also the inside of the home, I didn’t rely on a designer to pick everything like I have in my other homes or condos. Every piece of furniture was handpicked by me. Every color of paint and design choice was me.

“Really?” Her brows raise.

“Yep. The only people who have been in here are Dad, Stone, Hazel, Tobias, Darren, and now you.”

“Oh.” The confession of allowing her into my most sacred place hangs heavy between us. “You should probably put a shirt on. It’s dangerous to cook without clothes.”

“Worried about me?” I smirk at her changing the subject so quickly.

“Only in the way that you’re part of the product we’re selling.” Her iciness is back, but it feels thinner, like a few more blows from me could cause the fractures in her walls to crumble. “I swear you guys are allergic to shirts.”

I put a few strips of bacon on a baking sheet and slide them into the oven. “What do you want to drink?”

“Water unless you have Diet Coke.”

I pull out a can from the beverage fridge and slide it over to her after popping the top. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve kept her favorite drinks stocked in my house since the day we hired her. Even when they go unconsumed, I just keep restocking on the chance she’s ever in my space.

“Thank you. I’m surprised you have these if no one aside from Stephen and the guys come over.” She takes a sip. “But then again, Hazel drinks them too.”

I’ll let her think it’s just a coincidence. Considering how hard it was to get her here to begin with, I don’t know what she’d think to know that I’ve been including her in nearly all my personal decisions for years.

The timer to flip the bacon goes off. “I’ll do the bacon. You can start on the pancakes.” Jade slides down from the stool and rounds the island to stand beside me. “The last thing I need is you getting a grease burn while you’re on tour.”

I let her knock me out of the way with her hip, momentarily stunned by the contact she initiated. She always goes out of her way to avoid touching me. When everyone else gets hugs, I’m lucky to get a high five.

Being in the kitchen like this with her takes me back fifteen years to when this was our norm. The way her laughter and affection was always given freely. I hand her a pair of tongs, letting my fingers linger over hers a second longer than necessary.

It’s not enough.

It’ll never be enough.