Page 10 of Buy Back My Love

The restaurant went quiet so fast it felt like somebody had cut the sound off. Conversations stopped around us and all eyes turned toward our booth, but I didn’t give a damn who was looking.

JB stared at me and before he could get a word out I shoved my plate away hard enough to make it rattle against the table. I slid out of the booth and headed for the door fighting like hell not to start crying in front of a restaurant full of strangers.

This was exactly why part of me had wished Anika would be the one waiting outside those gates. I hadn’t been ready to face JB. Not really. Loving him had been easier when I didn’t have to look at him every day and remember exactly what loving him had cost me.

The truth was being angry wasn’t the only reason I’d been scared to see him. I didn’t look the same anymore. Yeah, he’d seen me during visits, but sitting across from him out here felt different. There was no clock running down, no guard nearby, nothing else for either of us to focus on. There was nothing stopping him from really looking at me now.

My smile and my weight bothered me the most. Every time my lips parted, I thought about the chip in my front tooth. Every time I looked down at myself, I noticed how much smaller prison had made me.

By the time I made it to the truck the tears had won. I wiped at my face pissed off that I was even crying, while anger had my whole body shaking. If I hadn’t just gotten out of prison and wasn’t scared somebody would call the police, I probably would’ve started swinging on JB’s ass.

He came out of the restaurant, spotted me near the passenger side of the truck, and hurried across the parking lot.

“Lee.”

I turned away before he could get close enough to touch me and wiped at my face with the back of my hand. “Leave me alone.”

Of course, he didn’t. He came up behind me, wrapped both arms around my waist, and pulled me against his chest. I twisted in his hold and shoved at his forearms.

“Get off me.”

“Baby, I’m sorry.” He tightened his arms when I tried to pull away again.

“Stop saying that.” My voice cracked, which only pissed me off more.

JB turned me around and pulled me into his chest before I could stop him. I pressed both hands against him trying to push him away, but I didn’t have much fight left. The second he put his hand on the back of my head I gave up and cried into his shirt.

“I’m sorry baby,” he whispered.

“I don’t want to keep hearing that.”

He held me while I cried, one arm around my waist and the other rubbing my back. For once he didn’t try to explain himself or talk his way out of what he’d done.

“I know,” he said after a while.

“No, you don’t.” I pulled back enough to look at him. “You keep saying sorry like that’s supposed to do something.”

His eyes were wet again, but I didn’t give a damn about his tears right then. I was the one who had spent five years paying for a decision he made.

JB let his hands fall from me. “Get in the truck and let me show you.”

I frowned. “Show me what?”

“Just come on.”

I stepped out of his arms and shook my head. “You can’t make up for what you did, Jabari.”

Calling him Jabari usually meant I was past regular mad and he knew it.

“Your stupid decision stole five years away from my life. I spent most of my twenties behind bars while you got to keep living.”

JB looked down for a second. “I’m sorry.”

“There you go saying that shit again.” I wiped at my face, smearing tears across my cheeks. “You don’t know what it felt like waking up in there every day knowing I was paying for something you did. You don’t know what it’s like to look in the mirror and see pieces of yourself missing.”

His eyes dropped to my mouth.

I folded my arms across my chest. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”