Page 121 of The New Place

Ned understands now, better than he ever could have. The guilt Abbot’s carried, and how Beverly is a reminder of that. His exes too, if Ned has this right, all the threads of that time of Abbot’s life weaving into a knot of everything he doesn’t want to face, wrapped neatly with shame over avoiding his mother as she grew sicker.

Which makes Ned want to shake him, or squeeze him, or figure out how to finally run a regression that will prove to Abbot it’s not his fault. His father’s, maybe, for similarly stealing away and burying himself in his work, leaving his son in the care of a family friend.

Though who knows what really happened there. All Ned has is Abbot’s perspective, a scared and lonely child with both parents suddenly gone. And then an angry young adult, who had the relief of his mom in remission before being forced to watch the same scenario play out again.

Whoever this Reto guy is, Ned would like a word with him. Louis as well while he’s at it, and anyone else Abbot sought refuge in, who from the sounds of it treated him like shit.

“Abbot,” Ned says gently.

Abbot turns his face, busying himself with a sip of tea. And that’s it exactly, that quick dodge to the side. If Ned gives him an opening, he’ll be off talking about another topic entirely.

“Just one thing,” Ned says. Well, more than that. They have to learn how to communicate better, and this is the first step in a long journey. If Abbot has carried so much for so long, it won’t be easy for him to just put all that aside.

But one thing at a time. Ned takes Abbot’s hand, warmed through from his tea. “Newbury, the fact that in the midst of all of your family stuff you aced university and then got your PhD, and now Newbury is recruiting you.”

“You said it yourself. It’s just because of Beverly.”

“It’s not. It’s because you’re at the top of your career, and young enough that you’re just getting started. You heard her. The department is excited about you, and why wouldn’t they be? Abbot—you go for what you want. And what you don’t want, or what isn’t working for you, you ignore. And I think your mom’s illness was a huge thing in your life you couldn’t just work harder on, couldn’t put your head down and grind through.”

“Ned—”

“You did visit her. You told me so, but I think you set an impossible standard no one could live up to, and you’ve been beating yourself up for all these years since. You wanted to do it perfectly, and when you couldn’t, you tried to get away, and that’s been eating you up.”

Abbot won’t look at him, his chin tipping when Ned ducks closer. When he speaks, it’s to the edge of the counter.

“I wanted you,” Abbot says. “For a very long time.”

“You got me,” Ned says. “You’re it for me. I’m here, and you’re here, and you know what? We get to do this thing called life together.”

Abbot’s forehead furrows. “We don’t even know what that will look like.”

“It’ll look great.”

“But where will we live?”

“Yeah.” Fuck the practicalities of life. His finances, and the rush of it all. He needed more time, and he still does. “You said—Abbot, you told me that as we’re in this together, the rest of it is just noise. And that’s true. So let’s take care of Newbury now, and we’ll sort the rest out.”

How? Ned braces to hear, but the night wore on Abbot too, because he just nods.

Ned squeezes his hand, a punctuation to end that topic. They’ll figure it out.

Somehow.

“I am proud of you, you know,” Abbot says as Ned unlocks his phone. “Newbury wouldn’t hire you if they didn’t see you being successful. That’s something, coming so soon after completing your doctorate and with only a couple of semesters of teaching.”

Ned opens his mouth to argue, then shuts it. He won’t let any more discomfort between them stretch.

But Abbot’s younger than him by a couple years and his career could spin circles around Ned’s. Ned is at Newbury by Abbot’s grace alone, he knows, and Newbury University and Beverly must really, really want Abbot on their faculty, to be bringing Ned along.

And Beverly really cares about this man. At least Ned can relate to that.

Ned gives Abbot a smile and taps the phone number in the email from last night.

When she answers, Ned leans closer to the phone and puts a smile into his voice. “Hi Beverly, it’s Ned and Henry. We got your email and are giving you a call back.”

“Wonderful,” she says, her voice warming. “I have to tell you, I’m excited to have both of you joining us.”

This is real, Ned lets himself think. The stress of these last few weeks, Adams being ripped out from under him, it’s all being replaced with something better. Newbury University, of all places, and getting to work with Abbot again.