Page 18 of His Holy Chaos

I open the biggest smile, heart fluttering. All of those hours rehearsing the song back at home paid off! Noa even tried to hit me with a pillow so I'd stop singing, even though I later caught him humming the same song under his breath.

"Yay!" I celebrate in place, excited. Ford looks mortified. Not only do I get my way, but his mom also embarrasses him. Double score! "When should I be there?"

Martha and I look at Ford expectantly. He looks like he's about to murder someone, but he says between gritted teeth:

"Fine, I guess. We rehearse every day from nine to eleven, Monday to Friday, and we sing at every service. I suppose you have better things to do, though, so I'm not sure this schedule will work, and unfortunately, we aren't flexible."

"It's perfect, I work the night shift anyway, and I love a good motivation to wake up early, you know, early bird gets the worm, or something."

He can barely contain himself. I love it!

Chapter 11. Ford

I can't believe my mother just recruited Jude into my choir. I can't believe he sings so well. And I can't believe his next words:

"So, Mr. Dom, see you next time for rehearsal? I'm one step closer to you becoming my Dom!"

I can't believe he's saying that again so directly.

"I told you," I say. "I don't have time for a sub."

His smile falters for just a second before he pulls it back into place. He shrugs, defiant.

"I have all the time in the world. I can wait until you change your mind."

I only mean to protect us both when I say, "I'm not going to change my mind, kid. Let it go. This will never happen. I don't have time for you."

This time, his smile vanishes. I see the ghost of something raw in his expression, something fragile and painfully familiar. He sighs and turns his back on me.

"Okay," he says. "You made yourself clear, then. No means no. See you later, Ford." He starts walking away. I watch the words hit him, and I wish I could pull them back into my mouth.

"Jude, wait…" My heart is hammering in my chest. That felt final.

He raises his hand to let me know he heard me, but he keeps walking.

The moment I see his eyes go dark, I know I've pushed too far.

That's why I don't do brats. I don't do anything. I don't do relationships. When is the last time anybody did anything like that for me? Showed up at my church, sang my baby to sleep, endured hours of liturgy just to sit in the same room as me?

And now I've ruined it.

I could see by the look on his face that I really hurt him. What I said isn't a nice thing to hear. But brats say all kinds of stuff all the time, and I don't know how to deal with it. That doesn't excuse what I said. I know that.

I take a deep breath, upset. He helped with my baby. My mom is always reckless. She takes her eyes off Angel all the time while she texts her friends, and Angel is learning to walk. I've told her a million times. Did my mom say that he calmed Angel to sleep? That can't be. Nobody calms Angel but me, and sometimes my mom.

I act before my brain can convince me otherwise and text Dave.

"Hey, do you know the number of that guy I was talking to at the club?"

I know Dave is going to have a field day with this. I try to be casual on purpose. He's always on my back about finding someone.

He answers immediately. That guy lives glued to his phone. "Who? Jude?" he texts, but he doesn't even wait for me to respond. He sends the number over right away. "We have a group chat together from BratWorld. You should join."

"No thanks," I answer.

But maybe I would.

I text Jude immediately.