Page 102 of Broken Vows

I keep walking. Past the courtyard, past the front steps, past the cobblestone path leading to the driveway. To the edge of the yard, past the fountains, behind the valets. I hear my name called, but it’s not Theo’s voice. I turn to see Justin, rushing to catch up to me. When I swipe my tears and shake my head, he puts a hand to his heart, and I keep walking.

And yet, there’s part of me filled with a wistful, naïve hopefulness, that allows me to turn around, just one last time, to see if Theo’s following. To see if maybe he had a change of heart.

But he’s not there. I walk to the side of the property where Sydney is standing. “Hey, Lexie, good, you’re here. The photographers are ready to start taking photos of the bridal party. So let’s check in with Annabelle’s team… oh. Oh, no. What’s wrong?”

Tears stream down my face. “I’m so sorry. I… can’t do this.”

Her body softens. “Of course you can. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but you did it, Lexie.” She waves her hand to the pristinely decorated estate. “You did this. Look at this! In six months? You’ve done the impossible, and I’m so damn proud of you.”

The tears flow even harder now, and I shake my head. “There’s so much to tell you, but… I can’t. I just… fuck.” I swipe my thumb under my eye. “I’m in love with the groom.”

I cannot believe I just said this to my boss, but I genuinely don’t care anymore. Everything is broken. My heart, my soul, probably even a piece of my sanity. Tears trickle down, rolling under my chin, and I wipe them.

Sydney’s eyes go wide and she stands open-mouthed, looking like she’s stopped breathing. She looks behind me, behind herself, then finally exhales. “Oh… my… wow.” She tugs the clipboard to her chest. “Is he in love with you?”

I thought so. But I was wrong.

I glance at an unmoving Sydney and shrug. “I don’t know.”

She sets down the clipboard on a stone garden table and puts her hands on her waist. A long moment passes as she scans the decorated tables, the gathering family members, then back at me. “I’ve given up a lot for my career. Family, a social life, love. I wish I could say that I know how you feel, but I can’t. I don’t know what you must be going through, but, it must hurt like hell to be here today.”

I swallow and nod.

“You’ve done everything you could to get us ready for today. It’d be cruel to make you stay.”

The relief flooding my body is the first ray of sunshine I’ve had in weeks. “Really?”

“Yes,” she says with a sympathetic smile. “Go. You’ve set everything up perfectly, you deserve a break. I want what’s best for you, Lexie, and watching the person you love get married… that might not be something you’ll ever get over.”

And then Sydney does something so un-Sydney-like that my brain takes a moment to reconcile the action with the person. She reaches over and pulls me in for a full, warm, engulfing hug. “Take the rental car. Justin and I will figure out how to get back to the city.”

I thank her profusely, quickly gather my items resting on our prep table, and race to the car. The relief I feel from leaving is quickly overshadowed by grief. Before I reach the end of the block, I break into sobs.

Today, I experienced true heartbreak. The kind that reaches inside of you, squeezing you so tight you’re sure you’ll never be able to properly breathe again.

Theo and I are done.

For better or worse, this chapter of my life is officially closed.

And my world crumbles.

46 Theo

I haven’t moved. I don’t know how long ago Lexie left. Two minutes, five, fifty? My feet are rooted to the hardwood floor, and I stay there, locked in forced immobility, for as long as it takes. Because if I move, I’ll chase her. I’ll run out of this house, drag her into me, and never let her leave.

But I can’t.

The way Lexie looked at me. Fuck. Regret and pain tear at my skin like I’m submerged into an acid lake. The willpower and restraint I’m using right now to not fall at my knees, makes my legs shake.

But I had to push her away. Because I’m not strong enough to let her go.

The pain is unbearable. It’s as raw as my flesh being ripped from my bones, as sharp as a machete through the heart. It feels as though my insides are being burned alive. I can’t breathe. I don’t think I ever can again. For the rest of my life, the image of hope, love, and heartache that swirled in those emerald eyes will haunt me. Watching the glimmer of hope fade will be the last look I see before I go to bed, it will be the stagnant ache that will never heal.

This is the punishment I deserve. The torment of choosing one type of love over the other. Of deciding between loyalty and heart. Of knowing an angelic light flickered in the blackness of my soul before going dark again.

I’ll live in this punishment for eternity, if it will remove her hurt. If my self-flagellation can be her balm, I’ll do it. I’ll take this and a million more. I’ll walk barefoot on broken glass, I’ll inhale the poison, I’ll stand in the fire. For Lexie, I will do almost anything. Almost. Except what she wants.

I finally move. I’m sniffing the air like a dog, hoping for a hint of vanilla-scented skin, but it’s gone. God, I have to get used to this.