Page 101 of Broken Vows

I found love.

Annabelle’s voice is in my head, encouraging me to tell Theo everything, but fear still controls me. “Are you nervous?”

He nods.

“That’s perfectly normal.” I need to leave. My heart hurts, everything fucking hurts. I want him to hold me and tell me that he’s choosing me. Please, please choose me. “I’m nervous, too.”

I inch forward with all the ache and longing, with all the nerves and vulnerability, with a swelling heart that’s expanding so quickly that soon it’s going to push against all my organs until my air is gone. When I’m close enough to the cedar scent, to the sharp, angled jawline and chiseled chest that my cheeks rested on so many nights, I take a long moment to fix his already perfect tie. Tears fill my tired eyes. My insides verge on exploding, my heart is pounding so hard that I’m getting dizzy, but the sliding door moment has arrived. I need to step through and pray that I’ll not only land upright, but he’ll step through with me.

His hands stay stuffed inside his pockets, but he’s letting me touch the tie, letting my fingers brush against the buttons, letting me take all the moments I need.

I can’t wait any longer. Even though the nerves are killing me, and the tingling in my chest has upgraded to a stabbing, I need to tell him. “You don’t have to go through with it.” The words are barely above a whisper. I clear my throat and look at his regret-filled eyes. “Please don’t go through with it.”

He can see the pleading in my eyes, he can hear the broken notes in my voice. This is the part where he’s supposed to scoop me into him, tell me that he loves me, and that he won’t go through with the wedding. I hold my breath, waiting for him to do something, to say anything.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, the sternness in his face shatters, and he removes my hands from his tie. “Lexie…”

No. Please, no. I can’t hear my name whispered with remorse and regret. “Please,” I say, and this time I reach for his hands. I’ve never felt more raw or vulnerable in my life. I want to run away and hide from this moment, but I stay, holding his hands, begging him to see me.

“Don’t marry Annabelle. Be with me. Tell me what we have is real, that I didn’t make this up.” Dangerous, dangerous hope fills my voice, as my gaze dashes between his eyes. “Tell me that everything I’m feeling, you’re feeling, too. Tell me you’re hurting the way I’m hurting, that you want to be with me the same way that I want to be with you.”

His silence is excruciating. I’ve climbed to the top of a skyscraper without a safety harness, I’m dangling my toes off the edge and wondering if he’s going to catch me, jump with me, or let me fall.

Deep lines cut his forehead, and yet, he stays silent.

My chin trembles and I pull in an uneven breath. “Tell me you love me.” My words are a shaky, hopeful whisper. “Tell me you love me… the way I love you.”

My voice cracks on the words, and I can barely lift my head. My heart’s bare, standing unprotected in a battlefield, bracing for the spray of bullets, while praying for air support.

For a brief moment, gentleness breaks through the torment in his eyes. Then it’s gone. “What are you doing?”

The sharpness in his tone makes me recoil. What am I doing? I’m standing here, taking a reckless leap of faith, hoping he’ll choose me.

“Don’t do this,” he snaps, stepping away from me. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

My chin trembles. “Wh… what?”

His cheeks flush. “Tell me right now that you forgive me for lying to you. I want to hear you say it.”

My searching gaze flicks between his fiery eyes, and I feel my stomach knot. “We, ah… there’s a lot to talk about. But, we, I mean, we can talk—”

“Stop. Just fucking stop,” he barks and my breath locks. “You’re never going to forgive me. I can see it all over your face—and how could you? I don’t even blame you for feeling that way.” He shakes his head. “So what’s the point of telling me you love me? You came to see me on my wedding day just to get payback? To fuck with my head?”

Unshed tears glisten in my eyes. “No… I’m trying to tell you how I feel.” I start to reach for him, when he steps back even farther. “I said, I love you.”

His eyebrows creasing is the only indication that he even heard me. He drops his crossed arms and storms to the door. “Get out.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Get the fuck out!” he barks with such venom that I lose the battle to hold back my tears. “We don’t need to see each other again. Ever.”

My heart shatters.

With all the strength left in me, I move to the door. Behind me, I swear I hear a whispered, “Lexie…” but it’s swallowed against the empty hallway, and through the house, and into the breeze as I make my way down the courtyard. It’s swallowed by the photographer setting up the cameras, by the florists adding their final touches, by the quartet unloading from the van. It’s swallowed by the guests arriving.

It’s swallowed by my broken, shattered heart.