Page 8 of Battle Scars

He lets out a heavy breath but when he raises his head and looks me in the eye, the pity is so raw, it stops my breath in my lungs and sears through my chest. I know I’m not ready—I’ll never be ready—for what he’s about to say to me. He pulls in another breath and says, “I think it’s time.”

I was right and I was wrong.

This is so much worse. So fucking worse.

He’s my family, most of what I have left besides a brother who’s a Texas Ranger and our parents. I don’t want to disrespect him and what his lifelong friendship means to me but he’s wrong. “Hermano—” I start.

“No Gabe.” He says it quietly but with conviction. “You know I’m right.”

“I know nothing,” I tell him. “I know no such thing.”

His jaw clenches as he thinks of what he wants to say next. I can read him better than I can myself. That’s what happens when you’ve known someone since you were born. Our parents have been friends since our dad’s military days.

“I just want you to be open to the idea, the possibility, of moving on,” he says.

“I can’t just forget about Macy.”

“I don’t want you to,” he says. “We grieved right along with you, but Maria and I can’t bury you too and that’s what this feels like.”

“I’m not dead.”

“But you’re also not living, hermano,” he says before looking at the guys. One is dancing with a local girl while others shoot some pool.

Ransom Falls is a small town but it’s close enough to the city that we see some traffic. I’d be happy if I never saw another soul again. I hate that when I look in people’s eyes, they know. They know the best of me is dead and gone and I have nothing left.

“I’m not saying get married or even find a girlfriend, just… stay open to the possibility while you’re in San Diego.”

“Sure,” I lie, and we both know it.

If this next mission turns into a soup sandwich, there’s no denying I’m so much more fucked up than any of us wants to admit, and no one out there can fill the hole that Macy left.

In me or the world.

FIVE

KEEP YOU SAFE

Adrienne

“Great run,” Rowan says as I climb out of my car and step away. We’ve been running tests for weeks to optimize performance before the next big race.

“Thanks,” I reply with a smile for one of my favorite crew members.

Looking at her, it’s hard to believe that less than a year ago, Rowan was boosting cars for illegal street races in the Midwest. She’s one of the most capable people we have on the team, and I also love having another woman around. She helps me keep the testosterone in check. Of course, she’s also sleeping with the competition. Not that I blame her, I just prefer not to shit where I eat.

I hand her my helmet and pull the cap off my head. Sweat drips down my face, and I wipe it away with a towel. Relief washes over me when I unzip my fire suit and shimmy out of the sleeves, tying them around my waist. It’s hot as hell in the cars, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Besides, we still have a lot more work to do here today, so I might as well settle in.

“Now, let’s talk about drag,” I start, ready to dig in and fine tune now that we have a few runs under our belts for today.

“Sure thing, boss,” she says brightly. “But first, your dad wants you in the main office.”

“Really?” I laugh. “He probably just wants to know what our lunch order is for the day. French dips and fries, or rolled tacos?”

“I don’t think that’s it—” she starts, but I don’t let her finish.

“Wait! No.” I chuckle, already walking away. “Rolled tacos. I love the way that stand down the road covers them with shredded lettuce and cheese.”

The sooner I can talk to my dad, the sooner I can get back on the track. I do have a company to win, after all, and that’s going to start with winning next week’s race.