Page 53 of Sexy

Love ya,

Sexy Man

“Classic shit,” Bill says, grabbing it out of my hand. “You know, Sexy Man was getting lame there for a while. Talking all serious. I was beginning to think he was gonna pussy out and say he’s in love, that’s how boring it got.”

“He’s still funny,” I say. “He’s just been doing this for a while, that’s all. You run out of things to say.”

“He gets letters, dumbass,” Sean says. “All he’s gotta do is pick the funny shit. Hell, I’ve sent in a few and he never picks my stuff. And it’s good, man.”

“Like hell. You’re as dumb as a hammer,” Mitch says. “You couldn’t write something funny if your life was on the line. Fletcher, now he’s funny. You ever send a letter into Sexy Man, Fletch?”

“Never,” I say. “The last thing I want is to spend my free time thinking about that stupid column.”

“I still think it’s funny,” Steve says, pulling on his cowboy boots. “Where’s your costume, Fletch?” he asks, eyeing my regular boots.

“I’ve got five minutes, Steve. What’s the rush?”

“Get a move on, Fletcher,” Chandler says, slamming the door behind him. “If you’re back, then be back. Not that you’ve even been here the last few days. You missed three practices this week.”

“Corporate, man. Blame them for that shit.”

“They wouldn’t even be here if you weren’t fucking off.”

“Well, I have a feeling my days are numbered. Mr. Preston is gonna be here tonight and I’m pretty sure this is not his idea of a good marketing plan. I’ve also heard that there’s some big shots in the online booking world coming to rate the place. I can only imagine the look on Preston’s face when he realized his only shot at this opportunity hinges on six guys taking off their clothes.”

“I think he knows we’re his money-makers, Fletch,” Chandlers says. “I’ve talked to him about it. He just said keep it clean.”

“Keep what clean?” Mitch asks. He sounds as annoyed as I feel.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “We don’t do clean. Those women don’t want clean. They want dirty as fuck. I’m not giving up a whole night’s worth of tips to keep that asshole happy. Especially if he’s just looking for a reason to shut this show down.”

“Calm down,” Chandler says. “It’s one night.”

“One night is nothing to you, I guess,” Sean says. “I’ve got bills to pay. And I count on tips to make that happen. It’s not like we’re raking in the cash with this gig. It’s Tahoe, for fuck’s sake. Not Vegas.”

“Listen,” Chandler says, clearly getting pissed off. “If you want to keep this job, then do what I say. Preston wants a clean show. It’s his fucking hotel.”

“It’s not his hotel, actually.”

“What?”

They all turn to look at me and I’m sorry I mentioned it. But once you say it, you gotta explain. These guys won’t let me off that easy.

“It’s Tiffy Preston’s hotel. Her old man doesn’t own it. She does. And I’m pretty sure she wants to get a good rating. And the way we do that is to do the best show ever. That’s not pulling punches. That’s making those women scream our names, cover their mouths from embarrassment, and tell all their friends this was worth every penny. With any luck, the reviewer will be a woman.”

“Don’t even, Novak.” He walks over to me and stares me in the eyes. “I’m telling you all right now, we’re gonna clean it up and do as we’re told.”

I stare back at him, my fists clenching right along with my jaw.

“You got it?”

“I got it,” I snarl. “You have another job waiting, so you could give a fuck if we fail.”

He pushes me hard in the chest and I have to take a few steps back. “Fuck you, Fletcher. You’re the problem here, not me. You’re the one they want to get rid of, not me.”

“I quit yesterday, asshole. And I’m the one who’s still here. So I’m obviously not that expendable.”

“Wait,” Sean says. “What does he mean you’ve got another job?”