Page 129 of Taking Turns

I just want something of my own for once.

And even thinking that makes me feel a little selfish. I have been given so much in this life. I do not deserve more. I really don’t. I shouldn’t even want Chella for myself. It’s breaks all my rules.

But... I do want her for myself. I wasn’t lying to her father last week. I want to own her. Keep her. Not like a house, though.

I try and work this out in my mind but it’s difficult to come to terms with. To justify.

It should make me feel good to give them the night we’ve been working towards.

It just… doesn’t.

I’m so fucking afraid that we’ll get to the end of the game and I… I won’t want her anymore. What would I do then?

I can’t even picture myself in another game at this point.

I don’t know what I’ll do, but this—I look around the Club. This place has my life for a decade. It’s my home. Well, it was my home until I moved in with Chella.

I have spent almost all of my adult life getting by on the generosity of others. And I’m lucky because Bric and Quin are very generous with me. They give me whatever I want. So much, I never thinking about not having enough. I never wonder anymore if people will provide me with the things I need. It just… comes.

Don’t I owe Quin and Bric the same consideration? Don’t I owe them that much, at least? And shouldn’t I think this through a little more before I give up everything I’ve worked towards all these years?

Take Rochelle, for example. I never liked her much. I put up with her. I fucked her plenty of times with Bric and Quin. But never alone. I didn’t like her alone. And I knew that pretty quick once we all got together.

What if my feelings for Chella change after tonight?

Yes, it’s better to know that up front, I decide.

So I down my drink, throw down some bills as a tip for the bartender, and go home to think about this alone.

Plan it out, I guess.

What I’ll do to her. What I’ll make her do.

And if this love isn’t real, I’ll know.

I’ll deal with tomorrow… tomorrow.

That’s what I always do, right?

There’s always tomorrow.

Chapter Thirty-Four - Quin

“Do you know where we’re going tonight?” I ask Chella. We’re up in her apartment and she’s walking towards me with her new jewelry, holding out the cuffs for me to help her put them on. I take one and wrap the thick band of diamonds around her wrist.

“Tell me,” she coos. She’s very excited.

I’m very excited too, but I’m a little bit worried about her enthusiasm. She should be more apprehensive than excited. “No, I’m asking you,” I say. “To guess.”

“Ummm…” She thinks for a moment as I finish up with the first cuff and she hands me the other one. “Bric’s apartment?”

“No,” I say, handling the second cuff and taking the collar. It’s heavy with diamonds and platinum. Smith is definitely not afraid to throw his money around when he feels like it’s necessary. I’ll give him that. “Lift your hair up and turn around.”

She does. And then she says, “Down to the basement?” But she knows that’s not happening.

“Absolutely not.” I laugh, fastening the collar tight around her throat.

“Then where?”