Page 63 of Taking Turns

He holds on to the gold choker even as he backs away. His fingers threaded underneath it, pressing against my neck. He holds on to me like I’m already his.

We are all silent for a moment because the server comes asking about food. One of them orders for me. But I am stuck in my thoughts, my head a jumbled mess from their offer.

How did I get here?

Champagne is poured and Smith is placing my hand on a fluted glass, lifting it to my lips. I drink, a long gulp as I work through what this means.

“Have you ever had a threesome?” Bric asks.

It takes me a second to realize he’s speaking to me. I want to say no. I want to say it emphatically. Loudly. Loaded with self-righteous indignation.

But I can’t. Because it’s a lie. And they’d know it was a lie. They obviously see something in me that gives them permission to make me this offer. Maybe it’s the fact that you agreed to Rochelle’s plan? And maybe it’s because you let Quin fuck you, even though he thought you were Rochelle? Maybe it’s because you’ve been down this road before?

Yeah. It might be that.

So I say, “Yes.” Because Quin is right. Bric is right. “I’m a dirty fucking whore.”

“Just like us,” Bric says. “We’re all dirty here.”

“Be dirty with us, Chella,” Quin says. “I’m gonna be dirty with you no matter what. I’m counting the fucking minutes until Sunday night. But it gets so much better when you give in completely.”

I take a deep, deep breath and then let it out in a long, controlled exhale. “I need to think about it. It’s a big decision for me. It’s one thing,” I say, gathering my courage. “It’s one thing to date three guys at the same time.”

“You do that often?” Smith laughs. “Jesus Christ, Chella. I really do love you now.”

“No,” I say. “Not anymore. But it’s another thing altogether to let you…”

“Fuck all your holes at the same time?” Smith finishes.

“For fuck’s sake, Smith,” Bric says, pounding a fist on the table. “Would you shut up and let her finish.”

“Sorry.” He laughs. “I’m sorry.”

But he doesn’t look sorry.

“I need to think about it,” I say, looking at Bric. He’s the sensible one, I can tell. The boss of this place. He’s running the show. Keeping Quin’s big personality in check. Keeping Smith’s deviant side under wraps. “I just want to go to the party and forget about it for a while. I don’t even want dinner. I just want to have fun and come home, and then sleep on it. Can I do that? Please? With no more comments?”

They all look at each other, silent for once.

And then Smith says, “It’s just a peek, Chella. If you stay. It’s just a peek into the forbidden. You can leave any time you want. It can last one night, or one week, or one month, or… forever.”

He says the word forever softly. Almost hesitantly. It makes me look at him differently for a moment. Like he’s a person and not an asshole.

“It’s carnal, and sensual, and erotic, Chella,” he continues in that same voice. “That’s all it is. A small trip into the dark.”

“A peek,” I say, remembering our toast.

“Just a peek,” Quin echoes. “You don’t even have to like us. You can just do it once and leave. Or you can keep the plural relationship going for a while, try it out. Get to know us better. We’re not bad guys. We just like to have some really sick sex.”

I smile at his words. Smith was right the other night when he said I’d fall for Quin first. I like him already. So what does mean for the other two? I can see why Rochelle fell in love with Quin. He’s sweet. He’s not overpowering like Bric. But he’s still in control. And he’s not demeaning like Smith, even though he says some of the same things. It’s different coming from Quin. It’s fun, not dark.

“Come on,” Bric says, pushing back in his chair so it makes a scraping sound on the floor. “Let’s go to the party. Have some fun tonight. You can think about it later.”

Smith and Quin both stand as I do. All our chairs scraping across the floor together.

I let Bric lead me downstairs and wait as he gets our coats. He helps me put mine on and then takes my hand and leads me out to the car. When I get in, he slips in next to me, leaning forward to tell the driver the address of the party before making the blacked-out partition go up to give us privacy.

He scoots close to me, puts his arm around me. His kiss is soft and slow. And my tongue responds. When he pulls back I look him in the eyes. We smile together.