Page 18 of His Bluestocking Bride

“You need say nothing. I will not press you.” Ellen folded her hands in her lap and studied the carpet.

“There will be no secrets between us, should we marry,” he said, his voice firm. “I have seen marriages torn asunder under the secrets people keep.” He gave her one of his most charming smiles, though it appeared tired.

Ellen’s heart rose into her throat.

“I have always been second to my brother in birth, society, and romance. I learned long ago to be a likable person if I wanted people to pay attention to me. The truth is that people prefer the heir. They want an earl on their guest list and an earl paying court to their daughters. I have had young women introduced to me since the first time I stepped into a ballroom, usually with the sole purpose of gaining access to my brother.”

“That must be a difficult way to live. Not knowing who cares for you and who cares for your connections. But is that not all society is? Connections?”

“Indeed.” His smile returned briefly and he gently squeezed her hand, causing a strange tingling sensation to rush up her arm and into her chest. “It is a game that influences the lives of everyone from the Regent down to the street urchins of London. Who we know, the people we can claim as friends, changes the way we are treated and perceived by others.”

It took a great deal of effort to remain breathing calmly, to appear as though sitting near him, speaking in such an intimate manner, did not make her mind spin and the bottom drop from her stomach. Especially knowing, as she already did, how the conversation would end.

“After my brother married Abigail, I noticed a decline in my invitations. Certain young women no longer smiled at me across crowded rooms. I did not entirely care, but I paid attention to who still counted me a friend.”

“That would be a difficult thing to experience,” she said, watching his expression as he nodded.

“Then Lucas lost Abigail, and the whole family went into mourning. Lucas never looked so broken as he did in the weeks and months after her death. In many ways, he’s still broken. I’m protective of him. After a year passed, my invitations increased once more. Mothers smiled again. Young ladies flapped their fans and batted their eyelashes at me. I thought I saw through each and every one of them. I knew their plans. Their hopes.”

“Then why encourage them?” she asked, remembering his flirtatious manner at the table that very day. “Why compliment and converse with such familiarity?”

He turned to study her again, his eyes more amused. “Because everyone in society performs and my role is to please others by saying what they most want to hear.” He shrugged and sat straighter, at the same time moving closer to her. “I never lie. I flatter. I am amiable and courteous. Besides, I have noted that saying a kind thing to a young woman, especially one used to propping up the walls of a ballroom, can never go amiss. Every lady deserves to feel lovely at a ball.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, uncomfortable with his explanation but unable to articulate why, she let it go. “You said you thought you saw through those people.”

“Your attention to detail does you credit. Yes.” He cleared his throat and glanced away again.

She could not allow him to guess at her emotions, not when his own were so far from being deciphered. This man wore a mask and acted a part to please people around him.

He didn’t need to worry. Ellen already knew she would accept his offer.

“I mistook the motives of one woman. Lady Selene Garrington. She is the daughter of another earl. A woman I knew of but never had spoken to. She went to finishing school on the continent and traveled widely after that. The first time I met her, she didn’t seem to know my family name. She is a beautiful, sophisticated woman and I became ensnared quickly.” He abruptly came to his feet and began to pace before the couch. “I fell in love with her.”

Ellen swallowed away the lump which formed in her throat and tightly folded her hands up again, determined to keep hold over her feelings. “I heard rumors, gossip really, about you forming a serious attachment.”

He went to the window and stood, arms folded before him, staring out at the blue sky. “I allowed her into my family’s circle. After a season of courtship, I went to her home with the express intention of requesting her hand in marriage.”

Though it was hard to hear, Ellen focused on Marcus’s expression, on each word he spoke, deciphering as much meaning as she could from all he said. She could read pain in his expression and regret in his tone. Did he still love Lady Selene?

“I learned on that day that my sweetheart never entertained any idea of marriage to me. She laughed when I proposed.” Marcus’s voice grew taut with grief.

How could his offer of love be laughed at? Her heart ached for him.

He turned away from her again, not seeing her reaction and hiding his expression from her. From the hard lines of his posture, Ellen could imagine the discomfort he felt at revealing these details of his life.

She wanted to stop him, to avoid hearing how a woman so unworthy had won his heart, but he continued before Ellen could say a word.

“Lady Selene informed me that I was unworthy. She spent time with me because I amused her, and there was always the chance my brother might take notice and want her for himself.” He took in a deep breath and expelled it slowly.

“This is why ladies like the Wrights upset me with casual mentions of my brother. I know they see me as a way to get to him. To women of substance and breeding, I will never be the first choice for a husband.”

But he could ask someone as insignificant as Ellen for her hand and have at least a hope that she would accept.

While that thought smarted, Ellen couldn’t deny it made sense. She neither had ambitions for the things society valued or any other prospects for marriage.

If a woman of real substance and breeding didn’t wish to marry him, then she must be neither of those things. For she wished to marry him, despite knowing all she did about his thoughts on the subject.

Ellen studied her hands in her lap, uncertain of what to say. She could not tell him how she felt. His next words solidified her resolve in that matter.