Page 51 of Discovering Grace

“Thank you.” Did he not want to get away from her quickly, as he had seemed to before? She gathered her music and stood. “I must congratulate you on your ordination,” she said at last, the words polite rather than warm. “I know how much it means to you.”

He ducked his head. “It is something I have wanted for a long time. Thank you.”

Was this to be the new standard of their conversations? Polite phrases, impersonal words? Grace bit her lip as she returned the music to its shelves. Perhaps he was still angry with her.

“Grace,” he said, his voice nearer. She turned to find him in the room, several steps inside it, though more still separated them. “Is everything all right? I heard that everyone knows, and there must have been some unpleasantness—”

She came forward, lifting her hands to stop his words. “No, nothing like that. A few people have looked at me strange, like Mrs. Parr and her daughter, and Miss Keyes may have said something less than pleasant, but—”

“But when does Miss Keyes really say anything else?” he interrupted, looking amused. “I am relieved to hear it. I worried for you.”

“I thank you for your concern.” She started to walk around him, but Jacob’s hand gently caught her arm before she passed by.

“Grace.” Lines creased his forehead, he stared down at her with an intensity she had rarely seen from him. “I’m glad you are you again.”

She pursed her lips, slightly confused. “You always knew who I was.”

He released her and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it without any concern. “I know. I still cannot understand why no one else realized what you were up to.”

“I suppose no one else ever took the time to look too closely.” And he had looked because he expected Hope, wanted Hope, and found Grace instead.

She told herself to be brave. For her, that did not mean going on a voyage to a different world, as Hope had. For Grace, being brave meant something else entirely. Tucking her hands behind her so he wouldn’t see her ball them into fists, she forced her thoughts into words.

“I have learned something from all of this.”

“Oh?” Jacob’s smile appeared, hesitantly at first.

“I have learned that speaking my mind can be beneficial. Especially when I told my father all my thoughts on the matter. I am not certain he has quite forgiven me yet, but he is much more understanding of my actions now.” She took in a deep breath, aware of how forward she would seem. A lady should not speak to a gentleman as she was about to, but Jacob was her friend. “I have something I wish to say to you, too.”

His lips stiffened, then he cleared his throat as though nervous. “Have you?”

“Yes.” The truth had weighed upon her heart long enough. Perhaps her confession would offer a reprieve at last. “I love my sister, but in some ways it was a relief to have her gone. I know it sounds selfish, and I am happy for her to have her dream at last, but having your attention to myself made every moment of the ruse worthwhile.” Grace ducked her head before seeing his reaction. She was not that brave. Not yet.

She hurried from the room, head low and heart thrumming. Telling him everything proved impossible. For a wild instant, she had considered revealing more of her feelings to him. Perhaps she ought to deliver only a portion at a time, so as not to shock him.

“Grace,” his voice called in the passageway. She stopped but did not turn, near the stair. His footsteps caught up to her, slowing when he came up behind her.

When he spoke again, his voice was softer. “I am glad you did not go with the Carlburys.” Then his hand touched her wrist again, barely brushing it, yet the contact sent electric tingles up her arm.

“Thank you. But I know you were disappointed that Hope did not remain at home.” The truth slipped from her like water down a rock.

He stepped around her, then offered his arm. Grace accepted it without seeing his expression, certain she would find pity in his eyes.

“At first I may have been. I had hoped to gain the courage to court her in earnest. But I can see now—and I have known for some time—that Hope and I would not suit one another.”

The sincerity of his words comforted her. At least he no longer pined for her sister. Together, they went upstairs to the parlor, not saying another word to each other.

Mrs. Barnes stood when Grace entered, and after Grace’s polite greeting, the woman crossed the room and enveloped her in a hug. Although momentarily surprised, Grace returned the embrace.

“Dear Grace.” Mrs. Barnes parted from her, taking up Grace’s hands. “I have been telling your father what I think of your actions, young lady.”

Grace’s cheeks pinked and she looked to where her father stood at his chair, Jacob coming to stand beside him wearing his curiosity quite openly.

“And what do you think of them?” Grace asked, looking up into Mrs. Barnes’s kind face.

“I think you did the best you could in your situation, and I am not at all upset with you.” Mrs. Barnes bestowed a kiss upon Grace’s cheek before leading her to the couch. “I want to hear all about it. I imagine you had a difficult time, because no matter how alike you and your sister are in appearance, your characters are so divergent.”

She wanted Grace to talk of what she had done? No one else had asked for that. Not even her mother, when she had written back after receiving Grace’s letter of confession. In confusion, she looked to her father. “Papa?”