Page 62 of Engaging Sir Isaac

“Essie.” Isaac glowered at her. “I am a bachelor. All of those things are quite normal for one in my position.”

“You are not like other bachelors. You have no family to distract you, but you do not go away to parties and entertainments. You spend all your time shut up in your house. Never going out into the neighborhood unless I insist upon your escort. I worry for you.”

“Because you are a kind sister. But you need not trouble yourself.”

“What do you think of Miss Wedgewood?” Esther asked abruptly. “You seemed terribly concerned for her before.”

“Your evaluation of the situation was correct. I cannot abide to see someone in distress if I might be capable of offering assistance.” He kept his eyes upon the sleeping baby, watching as the child’s chest rose and fell. “I wish to help her. She means nothing more to me.” Little Isaac’s fingers had fallen out of his mouth, but the baby occasionally made small sucking motions with his lips.

Esther said nothing for a time. The peaceful silence was deceptive, however. Isaac knew his sister well enough to sense the way her thoughts churned before she spoke again. “Isaac. I think you have grown to care for Miss Wedgewood. I have not seen you smile as you have in her company since before you left for the war, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as distressed as you were when you feared for her well-being.”

Isaac shifted in the chair, but not enough to disturb the child in his arm. “I have compassion for her.”

“No. You are smitten with her.”

Why waste his breath arguing? Esther was right, but he would not admit it to her. He had thought on their shared kisses and nothing else for the whole of the day. Kissing her behind the church had been as much to test his feelings as to fulfill her dare. Kissing her in the grass, after her tumble from the hammock, had been her decision. One he had enjoyed, up until the moment he realized his heart was already too broken to be of any use to her.

He was too broken.

“Miss Wedgewood is chasing Society’s good opinion.” Isaac could state that truth with a firmness no one would argue. “I am not at all a suitable match for her.”

“You are a baronet with a powerful earl as your brother-in-law. That is good enough for most hostesses in London.” Essie tried to tease with her words, but when he did not even glance at her, his sister sighed. “Does she know how you feel?”

“Yes.” He had as good as told her everything. Enough to marry you. But I do not think you want that. Millie’s confirmation of his assessment had wounded him. His feelings were outside of her agenda to raise her family from the dregs of Society back to an elevated and respected position. She wanted to be someone of importance. She did not desire the title of Lady Fox, though no woman he knew would fulfill the role so well as Millie.

Esther made a sound of annoyance. A snort, truthfully, worthy of his horse. Then she came to him, bending to collect her son in her arms. “Out in the hall. I have something to say to you.” She walked away with the baby, doubtless to put her son in his bed.

Isaac shrugged to himself, though what Esther might say intrigued him. His sister hadn’t experienced a romance the likes of which poets or musicians would pen. Yet she was excessively happy, and very much in love, with Silas.

When he stepped out into the hall, the nursery maid waited. She curtsied and then went inside the room to see to her charge. A moment later, Esther came out and immediately linked an arm through his. “Walk with me.”

“As you wish, countess,” Isaac agreed with a dip of his head.

She gave him a slanted glare. “Do not think you can get out of this conversation with levity. It is high time we had this talk. You may be my older brother, but that obviously does not make you the wiser of the two of us.”

Isaac walked down the steps to the first floor, not saying anything until they were on the landing. “I have never claimed wisdom, Essie. But tread lightly. I do have some experience in the world.”

“I think I am qualified to give you this much advice, and as a former soldier, you will see the truth in it. Anything good in this world, especially the things and people we love, are worth the fight. Do not let your lady go without telling her of the depth of your feelings for her.”

They stopped near a window overlooking the gardens. He stared outside, at the blue stretch of sky. “Your argument is intriguing, considering that the last time I fought for something I came back less one arm.”

Essie gave him a gentle tug, forcing his attention to her. He looked down into her eyes, a match for his and inherited from the father neither of them had known well. “There is a risk, Isaac. There will always be risks. When you left for war, I do not think you ever stopped to consider all the damage that might be done by your decision. The loss of your arm, the nightmares living in your head, what it meant for me to navigate the world and Society without you, they are all consequences of your decision to fight for what you believed to be the right thing.”

Isaac’s throat grew tight, and his heart gave a painful thud as the last fall of a stick upon a drum. “Essie—”

“However,” she interrupted him with a warning glare, “good came from that decision, too. You served honorable men, those above and beneath you in rank. Silas and I married and fell in love. Now you have a nephew. A greater understanding of the hardships and losses of others are yours, too, with your own experiences. You can take what you have learned and do good in the world, with your family beside you.”

“Good in the world.” He shuddered. “I cannot even leave my house without the war haunting my every step.”

“Yet you have, again and again, to spend time with a certain miss.” Esther crossed her arms over her middle and regarded him with searching, curious eyes. “You have always been somewhat thoughtless about the feelings of others, Isaac.”

He swallowed guiltily and tucked his fist behind his back. “I hate that you are right.”

“Hm. You always went charging into the fray, though, when you believed someone had been wronged. At first, I thought that was all that your desire to aid Miss Wedgewood was, but I now believe it goes much deeper than that. I think you are more than smitten. I think you are falling in love with her. And I do not think she knows it, either. You must tell her, Isaac. At least let her know what she gives up if she chooses another path.”

Isaac sighed. Esther did not understand and could not understand. He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. “Things are more complicated than you know, Essie. But I thank you for the advice. I will think upon it.”

He bid her a good afternoon, then left while Esther yet wore a concerned frown. There was nothing more for him to say. Though he had found momentary peace in his sister’s home he returned to the quiet loneliness of his manor. There was nothing so forlorn as the echo of his boots upon the floor. Nothing as bleak as the empty evening stretching before him.