Page 43 of The Gentleman Physician

Heat rushed up Julia’s neck and spread to her cheeks. She tried knitting faster but dropped a stitch and found all her fingers felt deceptively like thumbs.

“It’s the perfect complement to his eyes.”

Julia gasped, her stomach dropped, and she thrust the now-tangled mess of yarn away from her. “Wh-what a mess. I’ll have to fix it tomorrow.”

Virginia leaned forward and caught Julia’s hand, but Julia did not look up immediately. Though her cousin meant well, she could not possibly understand the complicated relationship which existed between Nathaniel and Julia. How could she? Julia had only told one soul about her lost love, and she did not think it right to continue dreaming about him.

But Virginia did not relent, and Julia at last met her curious gaze.

“How long have you cared for Doctor Hastings?” Virginia asked softly, her eyes gentle and her expression commiserating. “Every time he is mentioned in this house, I see your expression change. When he visits, you either disappear altogether or stare at him raptly. The two of you worked together to bring Mr. Olivier to my rescue. What is going on, Julia?”

“Doctor Hastings and I knew each other before.” To admit even that much increased the weight on her heart.

“When?”

“When I had my coming out in London. I met him nearly the first day I arrived. We became friends.”

“And? What happened?”

Julia noticed for the first time her fingers gripping her skirts, crinkling the fabric dreadfully. She released her hold on the cloth and tried to smooth out the wrinkles. She didn’t know what to say.

“You needn’t tell me everything,” Virginia said when the silence went on too long. “But we did agree we would share each other’s burdens while you are here. If there are feelings between you and the doctor, and if there is any way that I might help—”

In her nervousness, Julia released a laugh but choked on the sound. “There is nothing to be done. We have agreed to be friends. That is all there is to it.” She wrapped her arms around herself, protecting her heart from the words she said out loud. “It doesn’t matter what I feel for him. He made it clear that he has moved on with his life.”

“Oh, Julia, I’m sorry.”

“It happened long ago. Seeing him again, at such an uncertain time in my life, has only made me wonder what might have happened between us if the circumstances had been different. But Father…” Her voice trailed away and she stared at the floral carpet, tracing its patterns with her eyes, trying to quiet her emotions before speaking.

“Father did not approve and never would have. Nathaniel—Doctor Hastings—had dreams of becoming a physician. I could not ask him to wait for me, putting an added burden upon him, and I never could’ve convinced Father.”

“But Julia, if you loved him—”

“I didn’t really understand what love was,” Julia said hastily. “I didn’t know what it meant, that I should’ve fought harder for it. Mother had only been gone a year, Father was determined to marry me off, and Nathaniel was the first person in ages to make me feel like myself again. I was lost, and there was no one to talk to or to help me.” Julia’s voice rose as she spoke, until she realized her carefully concealed emotions had burst out, and she threw her hand over her mouth.

Virginia opened her mouth, her eyes wide, but before she could speak a knock sounded on the door. After shooting her cousin a narrow-eyed glare, Virginia raised her voice and bid the person enter.

Charles’s valet came into the room, his face pale. “Pardon me, my lady, but Lord Heatherton wishes to speak to you immediately.”

“He’s awake?” she asked, standing and hurrying from the room without a backwards glance. Julia understood her haste. While the laudanum allowed Charles to sleep, granting him a respite from the pain, it meant his wife had precious little time with him. Mostly, she sat next to him while he slept, leaving the running of the house to Julia.

Her heart ached for her cousin, knowing she was soon to lose the man she loved above all others. Yet Julia was grateful Virginia had experienced love.

She lifted the scarf from where it had fallen on the floor, rubbing the soft texture of the wool with her thumbs. When she selected it from the shop, she told herself it was because of the texture of the yarn. But she admitted the truth. The blue reminded her of Nathaniel’s eyes, and every time she touched it, she half-imagined him wearing it.

But she could never give it to him; it was too personal a gift.

The baron would soon pass from this world, and Virginia would leave Bath. In a short time, all the world would change, and Julia’s place in it would need to change as well.

She folded the material and placed it in her knitting basket, leaving her needles in the snarls she’d made.

“Miss?”

Julia looked up to see Emily, her borrowed maid, in the doorway. “Yes, Emily?”

“Lady Heatherton has need of you, miss. She wishes you to fetch the children from the nursery. And she’s sent for the doctor.” Emily’s normally rosy face had gone pale, her usual cheery demeanor replaced by a mournful frown.

Julia came to her feet, worry dropping into the pit of her stomach like a brick as she hurried to obey.