Page 30 of Head Under Water

I rip my eyes open.

What the fuck am I doing?

Literally anything but this.

“Mmmm god.”

Jesus. My legs go numb. A knot rises in my throat. I slip into my room, breathless. In the mirror, my cheeks have been painted pink with shame.

What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was I thinking?

He’s allowed to have someone over, of course he is, but seriously? Why today? I could handle it any other time, but today…it hurts. More than it should.

In the bathroom, I pace because I don’t know what else to do. I should be disgusted. I should’ve called him out, embarrassed him, and scared her away. He would’ve probably done the same to me. He would’ve probably opened the door and—and then he would’ve seen—like I could’ve seen⁠—

Nope.

Can’t think about that. Absolutely cannot think about any of that.

Will’s eyes are on me in my head as I strip out of my clothes. I try to force them away, but they return. Dark. Dangerous. Over and over, the sounds he made replay in my mind like some torture track.

Because this is torture, isn’t it?

It’s Will.

It’s…probably normal to be turned on by the sounds he was making. Especially since I couldn’t see his face.

Right. Yes.

Because he could’ve been anyone. Anyone else. That’s all this is.

Right.

Breathe, Opal.

I twist both knobs, letting the water roar into the bathtub. I need to wash every part of this day off my skin. If only I could scrub my brain too.

When the tub is full, I step into the warm water cautiously. I sink down against the porcelain, hold my breath, and slip under the surface.

Ruth.

Her face jerks me out of the water, coughing and spluttering.

CHAPTER TWENTY

AGE 19

Professor Gene can’t be convinced the conference is best attended by just one of us, and we’re both too stubborn to back out, so here we are, driving separately to a conference two hours from campus.

Gene assigned us three lectures each, and he’s expecting us to present what we learned in class next week. The school is paying for our separate hotel rooms, but he could only get the program to cover a single car for travel and suggested we carpool.

So, naturally, I’m driving alone. We’ll split the gas stipend.

There’s no way I’m going to spend four full, unnecessary hours with Will this weekend.

When I arrive at the hotel and check in, I drop my bags off in my room and head for the conference center. The entire place is massive, so I take a few wrong turns before I end up where I need to be. There’s a table set up in the lobby with a panel of four volunteers. The girl on the end waves me forward, brushing a bit of dark hair off her shoulder.

“Cool piercing,” I tell her, gesturing to her purple septum ring.