Page 65 of Head Under Water

“Sorry. I think I zoned out there for a minute. What’d you say?” I blink, shaking my head to rid myself of racing thoughts.

Jess bobs her head side to side playfully. “I said Zach’s over there. You good if I go?” She gestures to a guy with bright blond, messy hair. They’ve been dating since around January, I think.

“Yeah, I’m good. Go ahead.”

She hesitates, her smile fading. “Opal. Promise me you’re going to have fun tonight. Live a little. Get out of your head.”

The words land hard. I’m tired of being the one she has to convince to have fun. I really am. “I will. I promise.”

With a final lingering look, she jogs ahead, leaving me alone by an empty picnic table. I grab a hard seltzer from a nearby cooler and crack it open, sitting down on the tabletop.

I can do this. I can relax. Have fun.

Try as I might, what I can’t do is stop my eyes from traveling across the bonfire.

To Will.

One of the dancing girls is now sitting sideways across his lap. They’re deep in conversation, his palm moving slowly up and down her thigh, his other hand playing with her hair.

Lava laps at my chest. A jealous beast claws at my ribs.

I look away, really I do, but just as quickly, my eyes are back.

This time, he’s staring at me. He winks—the motherfucker winks.

Like he knows exactly what he’s doing to me.

And he likes knowing I can’t look away.

Without warning, that wicked grin still on his lips, he pulls her against his mouth. Hard. Something dark and deadly twists in my gut. His eyes finally release mine as his mouth devours hers. His hand tangles in her hair, and she melts against him, turning in his lap until she’s straddling him. It’s raw and passionate and terrible. His hands come to her hips, directing her, guiding her as she grinds against him.

Heat climbs my neck, and I tear my eyes away. I stand from the table and move farther down until the fire blocks my view of him.

It’s a college party. People are going to hook up.

Will’s single. He’s allowed to do what he wants.

I just feel bad for the girl, really.

He’s an asshole, and she deserves better.

I do not care what he does.

“Hey. Opal, right?” A man’s voice to my right draws my attention. I recognize his face, but I can’t place his name. “Paul,” he says after a beat, reading my silence for what it is. “We were in Intro to Psych last year.”

“Oh yeah. Hey.” Paul. Right. I vaguely remember him. He was always quiet in class, and he usually sat near the back. “How was your summer?”

The question is boring, even to me, but I can hardly focus. My mind is pulsing to Will’s name, like a heartbeat. All I can think about is his stupid hands and his stupid face and that stupid wink.

“Good. Yeah, fine. Hey, have you seen your friend Jess around? I thought I saw you guys get here together.”

“Jess? Oh, right. Yeah. She’s around here somewhere.” Then, as I process what he’s asked, I add, “She was with her boyfriend last I saw her.”

His face falls. “Oh.”

“You okay?” I would almost feel bad for him if I weren’t so distracted. Fucking Will.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Can I…get you another drink?”