Page 22 of Finding Parker

Slowly and sadly, I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Her dresses always felt smooth against my skin. I pressed my face against her shoulder and took a slow deep breath.

“And grandpappy?” I asked as my eyes began to fill with tears.

“Again, to bring us even closer,” she responded as she pressed her hands against my back.

“Things happen in life, Parker. Things we may or may not understand, at least not at first. These events, these happenings, they provide us with opportunities. It’s God’s way of opening doors for us. He provides us with opportunities, and we must make choices. If we’re of sound mind and practicing being a good child of God, we’ll generally make good choices,” she placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly broke our embrace.

“Your parents leaving this earth gave your grandfather and me an opportunity to do what we believed to be right, to raise you no differently than we raised your father. We took that opportunity. And you, Parker, are the reward. You’re a fine boy. There’s none finer, if you ask me. Not now or ever,” she looked down into my eyes, her hands still on my shoulders.

“Life is easy. All we have to do to live it is breathe. Making all the right choices regarding life and living it takes some serious thought, though. Try asking yourself this before you make a decision regarding living your life, Parker,” she paused and widened her eyes.

“If I had to tell my grandmother about this, would I still do it? If the answer is yes, it’s probably a good decision. If the answer is no, I wouldn’t suggest doing it,” she smiled and turned toward the kitchen counter.

She removed a platter of cookies from the counter and placed them on the table beside my books.

“Now, let’s sit and have a cookie. Tell me why life is so difficult today,” she smiled as she removed a cookie from the platter and bit it in two.

I pulled the chair away from the table and sat down. As I reached for a cookie, I began to explain my frustration.

“It’s Jessica. She has a boyfriend,” I sighed.

“The little blonde girl in your class?” she asked.

I nodded, still angry about my discovery of Jessica having a boyfriend.

“And how does this change your day from good to bad?” she tilted her head to the side and waited for my response.

“I liked her,” I said sadly.

“Did you ever express your fondness to her?” she asked as she reached for another cookie.

I shook my head.

“So, you liked this little girl, but you never told her so?” she asked as dabbed the crumbs from the corner of her mouth.

“No ma’am,” I looked down at my feet as I responded, knowing one of life’s lessons was headed my way.

“Well, let me see,” she wiped her mouth again and smiled.

“When something in life happens that we take exception to, something we don’t like or wish would have gone differently, we need to take a step backward,” she paused and reached across the table lifting my chin with her index finger.

“And ask ourselves if we had an opportunity to do it all over again, if there is something we would have done differently. So, Parker, knowing now what you know about your feelings for this girl, and your frustrations about her having a boyfriend, would you have done anything differently?” she looked down into my eyes and waited for me to respond.

Embarrassed, I shrugged my shoulders.

“Parker..?” she said slowly, dragging my name along for a good five seconds.

“I suppose I would have told her how I felt,” I responded.

“The good lord gave you an opportunity, Parker. You chose not to take it. And now? Well now he is teaching you a lesson. Learn it. And move on through life a wiser soul. The next time Parker, the next time do things differently.”

“Yes ma’am,” I responded.

My grandmother may not have always been right, but the advice she provided me always made sense at the time she offered it. From the time I was in kindergarten, she spoke to me as if I were an adult. My speech patterns, vocabulary, and manner of expressing myself vocally were either a result of her teachings or my constant absorption of literary works from her library. At an early age she challenged me to read and read often. After a few years, the challenge was unnecessary – I could never read enough to satisfy my desire.

I suspect reading was an avenue of escape for me as a child – a means of becoming a character in the book for a short period of time. If a story was well written, I would often read it multiple times, inevitably enjoying the latter readings fractionally more than the first. I found myself more drawn to fact based fiction and less to the world of fantasy. Fantasy was difficult for me to digest; primarily because I was certain it could or would never happen.

The year before I graduated from high school Jessica and I became intimate. Proudly, we announced our relationship to everyone who cared to listen. I walked the hallways of the school hand in hand with her, pleased to call her my girlfriend. One thing led to another, and not unlike any other seventeen year old high school kids in a relationship, we considered having sex.