Page 31 of Rigid

Pregnancy

I laughed. Then, I stared at the phone. In a moment, my stomach sank. My mind raced, arguing with itself about the possibility. I was on the pill, and Smokey had a vasectomy, so it wasn’t even possible, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t convince myself otherwise.

I Googled morning sickness symptoms, then stared blankly at the results.

Persistent excessive vomiting (more than 3 or 4 times a day)

Unrelenting, severe nausea.

Dehydration.

A decrease in urination due to dehydration.

Maternal weight loss or failure to gain weight.

Rapid heartbeat.

Headaches and confusion.

Short of the rapid heartbeat, I was experiencing them all. Frantic, I searched early symptoms of pregnancy. The results weren’t what I was hoping for.

Food aversions. Mood swings. Frequent urination Fatigue. Sore breasts. Light bleeding. Spotting. Nausea.

I swallowed heavily, then re-read them.

It was impossible, and it wasn’t what I wanted. Not at all. The situation, if it was in fact the situation, couldn’t be worse.

Furthermore, being pregnant with Smokey’s baby would ruin my life’s dreams, completely. I wanted to fall in love, get engaged, marry, buy a home, and then have a baby. I’d saved almost every cent I’d made over the last three years, but it was nowhere near enough to raise a child.

Especially alone.

I tossed my phone on the couch, flopped my head in my hands, and began to cry. When the crying stopped, I came to my senses and realized although my little fairy tale didn’t work out, my life still could.

All I needed to do was allow whatever was supposed to happen, happen.

God’s will, not mine.

The first thing I needed to do was to take a pregnancy test.

Regardless of the outcome, I’d have to find a way to live with the results.

My uncle Ramon always used to say, there’s only one way to keep from getting pregnant. Abstinence.

If I was willing to take the risk, I had to be willing to live with the results. I wiped my tears, stared at my phone, and prayed for God’s will, not mine.

Then, I drove to the CVS.

***

Until I met Lex, I really didn’t have any friends that were girls. I’d always found girls to be catty and spiteful, so my friends were limited to the bouncers at the bar, or the man I was dating. The men I dated was an ever-changing list, but there was one person I remained close to, regardless.

Craig gave me a hug, and then looked me over. He raised his hands to my face, swept his thumbs beneath my eyes, and did his best to clear the mascara from my cheeks. “There.”

“Was it bad?”

The corner of his mouth curled up. “You looked like you were trying out for an M. Night Shyamalan movie.”

“Who’s that?”