Page 72 of Thick

“She’s a prison guard.”

“You’re fucking kidding me?” she gasped.

“Nope.”

“Jesus. This just keeps getting better. Back to the price. Do you have a price in mind?”

“I already told you. I don’t think I want to sell it. I was sending a message to this girl, and I wanted to touch her heart with the story. I put too much of myself in there, and if it gets to the big screen, it’ll probably take the other books with it, and they’re all just too close to real.”

“They’re fiction, though. Right?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Pretty much?”

“They’re fiction. Loosely based on fact.”

“How loosely?”

“Loosely enough that no one is going to get in trouble. I’m not an idiot.”

“When I tell them to go fuck a goat, they’ll counter. I suspect it’ll be double.”

“Jesus.”

“It’ll be hard to say no to one point five million.”

There weren’t many people who couldn’t be bought. I was one of them, though. If my mind was made up, no amount of money would convince me to change it. I wasn’t sure that I’d never sell the rights, but I sure wasn’t going to at this juncture in my life.

“I’ve got all I need right here. One more bedroom than I need, a bike that runs, and a brand-new pack of wife beaters. I went shopping, and splurged.”

“You might need to splurge again.”

“On what?”

“The third thing is this: Ellen’s people got ahold of me.”

“Ellen who?”

“Ellen.”

“Ellen fucking who?’

“Ellen. Short blond hair, wears sneakers, has a television show? Ellen DeGeneres.”

“What’d they want?”

“They want you on the show. They’re doing a from rags to riches week in two weeks, and they think you’ll be the perfect draw for their ratings slump. A good-looking tattooed bad-boy who writes romance novels.”

I let out a sigh. “Not interested.”

“Seriously? This could be the turning point in your career. Whoever hasn’t heard of that book already will sure know about it after the show. You backlist will explode.”

“I’m good on the explosions for now, thanks.”

“Your serious? You won’t do it? You might even be able to take your prison guard with you and explain how she inspired you. They’ll love the connection.”

“Sorry.”