Page 27 of Baby Girl

Best asset: No gag reflex

I would never make it into the bar, if that were the case. The person checking ID at the door would always want to take me into the parking lot and test me out. My talent was something that I now held in reserve. I didn’t brag about it to everyone that came along, like I did in high school. Now, I just preferred to let a guy be surprised by it, and see if they brought it up – after they experienced it, gasped when I did it, or just kept quiet and acted like it was normal.

We had left Erik’s motorcycle at the parking lot for the Italian place, and were driving my car to the mall, which should be open by the time we get there. He wanted to get me a pair of jeans to wear on the motorcycle, and was uncomfortable with me wearing shorts. I have seen plenty of girls on the back of motorcycles in shorts, but he said I would burn my leg on the exhaust for sure.

I parked the car by the Dillard’s entrance to the mall. I always liked to go in through Dillard’s, regardless of what I was shopping for, even if I was just going to get yogurt, a drink, or eat. Walking through the store made me feel luxurious, and important. Erik got out, and I walked to his side, and slid my arm through his left arm. It was nice, kind of like holding hands, but we were holding arms.

“You didn’t even have to say anything,” I said as we were walking.

“About?” he said as he turned and looked at me.

“I remembered to get ahold of your left arm,” I answered, disappointed that he didn’t realize what I was talking about.

“I know, baby girl. You make me happy. You really do,” he smiled as he said it. When he was done, he winked at me.

When he talked to me like that, it just gave me goose bumps. I felt them rising on my arms and legs, and hoped that he didn’t notice. As we walked, I studied his feet, and tried to mimic his walking pattern, so we would be at the same pace. I always felt, even though I was tall, that I was falling behind. I decided as we walked that he took considerably longer steps. His stride was one and a half of mine. As we got to the entrance, I gave up.

“What the fuck were you doing?” he asked, as he held the door open for me.

“When?”

“While we were walking up here. I felt like I was dragging you,” he responded.

I walked through the first door and into foyer of the store. As I did, I turned around, smiling, and answered Erik.

“I was trying to keep up, and I got to watching you walk, and I think I may have got wrapped up in watching your feet, and your stride. I think I forgot what was going on, I don’t know,” I stood and looked into his eyes, feeling stupid.

I don’t really know for sure how it happened, but it did. I will never forget how it ended, though. All of a sudden, I was pressed into the corner of the foyer, my back against the wall. His chest was pressed against mine, and both his hands held the backs of my thighs, under the cheeks of my butt. I was completely off the floor, being held up by his strong arms. His chest and arm muscles bulged as he lifted me higher, getting my head several inches above his.

“Look at me, baby girl,” he said as he held me above him, my back pressed hard to the wall.

I looked down into his eyes, and although he wasn’t smiling, his eyes were. They looked different. They looked happy. His lips met mine, and we began to kiss. I closed my eyes. One hand slid to the back of my neck, holding my head as he kissed me. He suspended me against the wall with his other arm and the pressure of his body against mine. We kissed for a long while, and as we did, I could feel the pressure in the vestibule change as people came in and out. I do now know if we kissed for three minutes or thirty, but I knew this; it was the kind of kiss that romance novels are written about. A kiss to define kisses. If I were standing, I would have collapsed. As our lips parted, we both caught our breath. His tongue lightly licked my upper lip as we separated. Immediately, we started again, his hips pressing me against the wall. My legs wrapped around his waist, I pressed harder against him, bucking my hips against his torso as we kissed. Pulling his lips from mine, and lowering me to the floor slowly, he looked into my eyes.

“You are fucking adorable, Kelli. Just fucking adorable.”

Catching my breath and composure, I tried to hold myself up as he let me down onto the floor. My legs felt like they belonged to someone else. I pushed myself against the wall, and tried to stand on my own.

“Oh my fuck. Knees,” I said. I realized right after I said it that it made zero sense.

As he held the second door open into the store, he looked at me and smiled.

“Precisely,” he said.

I had no idea what exactly I did to make myself adorable in his eyes at that moment. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to seem girlish or immature. I decided to keep to myself and just assume that I was adorable all the time, and that he was just overwhelmed. My father once gave me some good advice; never miss a good opportunity to keep your fucking mouth shut. This was one of those times. Walking through the door, I felt lighter. I felt like I was floating above the tile floor, like I was still suspended above the floor by his strong arms.

Ruined. Yeah, I suppose so.

I realized something in that vestibule during the kiss. I was weak for this man, and weak beyond what I have ever known to exist. My degree of being powerless for him left me open, exposed, and able to be harmed. With Erik, it wasn’t whether or not he was going to eventually leave me; it was a matter of when. At some point in time, he would leave. I walked beside him in somewhat of a trance, thinking. I knew that I could live without him, no doubt about it. But after having had him in my life, I would look at everyone else that I would ever meet as some form of substandard human being. No one, regardless of whoever I encountered in life, could measure up to the standard that he had set.

Life is interesting in many respects. I’ve spent my life trying not to become attached to anyone that I have had sex with. My initial expectations with Erik were the same. I suppose a person never knows how they are going to feel until the time comes, but I had no anticipation of this happening. Now that it had happened, I had to deal with it. Live a life without Erik, disappointed and knowing what it was like to feel whatever it is that I feel with him, or be with Erik.

Being with Erik was impossible. He made it clear that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship, ever. My school was to start in September, which was about six weeks away. Why, I wonder, does God remove the things from our lives that may make us live a happy, fruitful, joyous life? I never felt like it mattered so much before, but I never felt like this about someone, either. I didn’t really feel this way about him, as if it were a decision I had made. I felt this way in his presence. Hell, I felt this way all the time.

Time decides who we have in our lives, our hearts decide how we feel about them, and our actions and attitude toward them determine how long they stay. I thought as we walked, I will do my best to make Erik happy, and whatever is meant to be will happen. In that book I read, it said that you don’t give someone your love, they take it. If that, in fact, is true, Erik took it. I damned sure didn’t give it to him, he took it.

Here I was going again with the thinking too much. My mind racing because I wasn’t busy doing something. We were walking, and no one was talking. I needed to get a conversation going with Erik to get my mind off of him. Talking with him made me forget everything. When I talked to him, I just wanted him to be happy with me for that moment. I focused on the moment, and the topic of discussion.

“So, where are we going to go on the motorcycle?” I asked.