Page 25 of Baker

She pressed the web of her hand against her hip and looked me over. “Henry and Helen, Andy. You know their names. I can’t believe you called them hellions, they’re just kids. And, you know they’re mine, why?”

I did know their names, but she was wrong about them being hellions. The twins were possessed by the devil, as well as a few other evil spirits. It wasn’t Holly’s fault though; all children were malevolent.

“Did you get pregnant with a syringe?” I asked.

She glared.

“Turkey baster? Immaculate conception?” I widened my eyes comically. “Was it an accident, like on Jane the Virgin? Did your gynecologist accidentally squirt sperm in your twat?”

She continued to glare for some time, and then raised one eyebrow slightly. “What are you getting at? You know Hank’s their dad.”

“You had sex?” I shrieked. “With Hank?”

“Stop it, Andy.”

“Did it feel good?”

She gave me the stink eye.

“Did he make you come?”

The stink eye continued.

“Did you close your eyes and bark out a breath each time he shoved himself in you, or did you fight him, screaming for him to stop because you hated it?”

“Stop it, Andy,” she hissed.

“Seriously,” I said. “Before he left you for the girl with the big fake boobs at the chicken wing place, did you like fucking him?”

“Stop it.”

I knew the comment about the chicken wing waitress would piss her off, but I wanted to piss her off. She deserved it after making the I didn’t think you were like that remark.

I lowered my tone to a plead. “C’mon, Holly. Seriously. Did you like fucking Hank? Back when you used to fuck him? You know, when your relationship was good?”

She let out a breath. “I loved it, why?”

“You said you didn’t think I was like that. It sounded like you were against having sex. Kind of funny, considering you and Hank were bumping uglies since you were in high school.”

“I didn’t screw him the day I met him.”

“Having sex isn’t like buying a gun,” I said, scowling as I made claim. “There’s not a waiting period required.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Screwing a guy on the day you meet him is gross.”

“No, it’s not. There’s the entire element of not really knowing who he is that makes everything that much more exciting. Being boned by a stranger is awesome. Once you get to know a guy, things change. They get comfortable. Sex gets boring. Then, they lie.”

She sighed. “Tell me he wore protection.”

“He left his socks on. They had guitars on them. Does that count?”

“Eww. That’s gross.”

“His cock was like velvet. A lot of things came to mind while he was fucking me with it. Gross wasn’t one of them.”

“Are you going to do it again?”

“I hope so. Maybe until I get to know him.” I chuckled. “Then, I’ll have to find another stranger to screw me.”