Page 104 of Goose

Baker studied the college football game schedule for a moment, and then looked up. “Let’s plan on this Friday.”

We all stood. While Cash picked up the stray pieces of Chex Mix that he’d dropped in the couch, I noticed his wallet had fallen between the cushions of the couch.

“Is that your wallet, Goose?” I asked.

Goose reached for his back pocket and smirked at the same time. “Not mine.”

I gestured toward the wallet. “Cash, is that yours?”

He patted his hand against his pocket. His brow furrowed. He turned toward the couch. “I don’t understand what the fuck’s going on. This fucker keeps falling out of my pocket. I’ve never had this problem.”

“Have you gained weight lately?” I asked.

“What the fuck’s that got to do with anything?” he asked.

“You could have a case of the high ass,” I said dryly.

He looked at each of the guys. “What the fuck’s high ass?”

“The top side of person’s butt gets big when they gain weight,” I explained. “They get that shelf thing going on. That added pooch just pokes your wallet right out of your pocket.”

Cash looked at Tito. “You ever heard of high ass?”

Tito was as sick of Cash’s shit as Goose and I were, and had admitted it on a few occasions.

“Sure have,” Tito said. “It’s a condition one gets when they gain weight from a carb-rich diet. The top side of the Gluteus Medus and Gluteus Maximus muscles enlarge. Why?”

Cash glanced over his shoulder and tried to get a glimpse of his butt. After spinning in a few circles no differently than a dog after his tail, he pointed his butt at Tito. “Does it look bigger than normal?”

“Maybe a little. Have you been eating a lot of pasta?”

“No more than normal,” Cash said.

Tito shrugged. “Might want to lay off of it for a while.”

Cash shoved his wallet deep into his pocket and shook his head. “It’s that fucking lasagna, I know it.”

I craned my neck, looked at his butt, and whistled. “It’s something, that’s for sure.”