Page 139 of Knot Their Soldier: Part Three

I let my gaze drag over the dirt on his sleeve, the pine needles caught in the fabric, and the mud drying across one knee. "Uh-huh."

Blaze sighs. "You’re annoying."

"What were you doing?" I repeat, cocking my brow.

His mouth twists like he’ll keep lying just to be difficult, but then some of the fight leaves him, and he rises from his faux casual lean.

"I’ve been going out past the tree line at the base of the mountain," he says.

I wait.

"Setting traps."

Still, I say nothing.

Blaze scowls at me. "What, you want an itemized list?"

"No."

He folds his arms. "They’re good traps."

"I know. You don’t do shit work, brother."

The praise catches him off guard.

I step closer, lowering my voice. "What's got you up to your old habits?"

There’s dirt under his nails, and his eyes look wilder than they did before he left the nest.

His jaw shifts as he shrugs. "Gotta be doing something."

The words come out rougher than he means them to. He looks away down the corridor, toward the faint gray light gathering at the slit windows.

"I know guarding Halley matters," he says. "I know it does. I’m not saying it doesn’t." His throat works. "But I’m wasting time sitting in rooms where people just talk and talk. Every hour I sit there while the enemy closes in, I feel like I’m losing it. I'm not built to stay still, you know?"

I do know because I'm the same. I feel an itch to get back to being a soldier, instead of doing mindless busywork. I want to be doing what I'm best at, bloodying my knuckles and sniping Humans.

"I feel like I’m letting all of you down," Blaze adds in a small voice.

I study him.

Blaze makes people look at the chaos first. The smirk, the violence, the mouth that never learned when to shut up. I know better. A part of him is stuck as a child, frozen at the age his father burned him alive, or maybe at the age of his first solo kill, alone behind enemy lines. He needs structure and a firm presence to make him feel secure. That's usually provided by Knox or Shade, but they've been busy. Add in a lack of direction, and Blaze is lost.

It's my turn to step up for my brother and give him what he needs.

"You’re not letting anyone down," I say.

His eyes flick back to mine.

"And the traps were a smart idea."

Some of the tightness in his face eases, though he tries not to show it. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He looks down, almost embarrassed by the pride flushing his cheeks, and I have to bite back a smile.

Now I understand Shade a little better.