Page 167 of The Gods Order

“I enjoyed every moment of that night.”

His hand squeezes mine in return, and we both lie still, waiting to see if one of the others has anything to say or not.

“This one time, Derivius was babysitting me overnight—”

“Babysitting you?” I ask, whipping my head back toward Riven.

“Yeah.” He chuckles. “Derivius had to come watch me a lot. Sometimes Slutlline and our father went and did fuck knows what and the guys had to go to their mother’s. Our father didn’t trust me in the house alone and my egg donor surely wasn’t going to let me stay with her. So Derivius would come stay with me. On this particular night, he turned one side of the grand staircase into a slide and left the others as stairs. He gave me a pillowcase to put my legs in so I could slide faster. Then I’d take the pillowcase off, run up the stairs, and do it all over again. We did that all night long.”

My throat closes with the sweet mental image I create. Little Riven running around so carefree, with nothing but Chaos in the air around him.

And Derivius…I bet he loved every moment of it.

“The night before we escaped, I had my first taste of chocolate.”

“Damn, how did you do that?” Riven asks, glaring over at Creed. “I didn’t have chocolate until we got here.”

“I stole it from the kitchen a year before then and was too afraid to eat it. I felt like our father would just know somehow.” A quiet rumble leaves his chest. “I remember staring up at my ceiling, turning the little wrapped square in my hand so many times it started melting. A touch of it leaked from the corner and I just…licked it off. My taste buds flared to life and before I knew it, I was licking the damn paper it was wrapped in.”

Kyzen, Riven, and I fall into a fit of laughter. It doesn’t take Creed long to join in and even Amick makes a small, contented sound. I can picture him in my mind, literally licking up every bit of that melted deliciousness.

Slowly but surely, our chuckles fade into soft smiles.

“How about you, gorgeous?” Kyzen asks.

A long sigh falls from my chest as I map the stars still shining over us. I really do attempt to think hard about it, but not one memory comes. Not exactly like theirs, anyway.

“I don’t remember my childhood home,” I mumble. “We moved too much. I can’t tell you what any of them looked like. Walls, rooms, places. It all blurs together. But I…I remember them. My parents.”

My chest tightens in a different way as four soothing strokes flow across my soul.

“The feeling of them. The sound of their voices. Their smell. The adventures I thought we were on. Like no matter where we were, that was the only place I ever needed to be.”

Flashes of those times race across my mind and merge with moments from this past week. Val…my father is the same, yet so, so different.

He still smells the same. His voice sounds the same. Aside from the glow of power that surrounds him, he still looks the same.

I can admit I’m just as worried about him tomorrow as I am for us.

My gaze shifts from the stars to my men.

“When I think about them now, that’s not the sensation I get. I do love and care about them. There’s no denying that anymore, and I refuse to lie to any of you about it,” I add after a breath, letting a faint huff of air leave me. “But I don’t think of home when I think about them. I think about the four of you. The happiest memories I have involve you. Some moments we’re within these walls and some we’re not. So I guess to me, home isn’t the place. It’s the people.”

I blink my eyes repeatedly, refusing to allow any stubborn tears to escape me.

“You all are my home, and you all complete me.”

The love and devotion they have for me swim across my soul, damn near stealing the air from my lungs. Amick raises our joined hands and tilts my chin until I look at him.

“I don’t want children,” he whispers, and my lips part. “When Laney asked you earlier if you wanted a baby, my chest clenched so tight, I couldn’t breathe. Then you said no and that grip released me. You complete me.”

Before I can get a breath out, another throat clears.

“Despite the horrors and how it came about, I love how I’ve helped Ellian and Annalise create the family they’ve always dreamed of. I’d love to continue helping anyone who wants a family one day,” Creed says. “But for me, my family is complete. I don’t need to add to it.”

Kyzen reaches over Riven, laying his hand on my hips as he exhales.

“I’ve never given fatherhood much thought. I’ve always told myself when the time to consider that comes, I’d know what I want. And I do know. I also know what we needed growing up. We didn’t get it. We’d do better than what we had…but that’s not something we need to do to prove anything to ourselves just because society says we should. I’m perfectly happy with the family we have, and honestly…I’m so ready to simply exist with the four of you.”