Page 208 of The Gods Order

No one is pretending this is normal. No one is pretending we’re fine. No one has tried to fix anything.

They’re just there.

Everyone who went with us to the Abandon came back here with us.

Except for one.

My eyes slam shut, and I shake my head.

I can’t even find it in myself right now to care that Gladian is sitting at my dining room table. For a man who fucked up so royally, the issues I have with him seem so small in comparison.

Maybe I’ll just whip him in return, then we can call it even.

A small grunt vibrates in my throat at the thought.

What a horrible thing to think. That’s not who I am.

Or maybe that’s exactly who I’m becoming.

That’s who the realm is shaping me into.

No. I refuse it.

My chest tightens around…emptiness. I loathe the feeling more than I can explain. I’ve felt it so many times in my life. I thought after this last week, this type of grief would never find me again.

Yet here I am, facing an absence that hasn’t decided what shape it wants to take. I mourn, although I don’t truly know what I’ve lost.

My body knows something has ended, but my mind hasn’t accepted it.

My gaze stays fixed on Creed’s door as if staring alone will wake him. I want so badly to go in there. I want to get up, walk across the room, crawl into his sheets, and lie beside him.

I can’t. I can’t get up.

My eyes blink as Kyzen, Riven, and Derivius come barreling through the threshold at the same time, and hope rises in me like a wave.

My fingers dig into the couch cushions as I hold my breath, waiting for them to say he’s awake.

They don’t. They don’t even glance at me.

“Is he dead?” Riven asks.

I shift my attention to where they’ve stopped three steps away from Creed’s door.

“No. The realm would know if he were. He’s hurt, though. Pretty badly. That’s going to buy us some time before he plans his retaliation. We can’t pretend that won’t happen. That mistake would cost us greatly.”

Cost us…

Like we haven’t lost enough already.

“I’m going to kill him. So you better think long and hard now, dear Consequence, about how to save the realm after that happens.”

Meridamus hangs his head at Riven’s cruel words.

“That isn’t going to happen. Today, tomorrow, ever. The consequences are beyond any of your understanding.”

“They’re beyond even your own,” Amick says. “You know no better than the rest of us. You fear an outcome you can’t even see.”

“Yes, I do. What I do see is the true descent of the realm, and we’ve all sacrificed too much to throw it away. Kira will be punished, but it will have to be in a way that doesn’t destroy the realm. For now, we figure out the next steps moving forward.”