Page 278 of The Gods Order

“Lestari and I will be there as well.”

“What? No,” I say, staring at V. “Absolutely not. You two aren’t to be anywhere near any of this.”

“I understand your fear, but—”

“It isn’t fear, V. I’ve already faced the reality of you dying once. I won’t do it again!”

My shout echoes through the silent house. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath. It takes me that long to realize what I just said, and my eyes fall shut.

“V, I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”

“I died,” he says quietly.

My head shakes.

“That’s…this—” I take another breath, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “This is not how I wanted to tell you.”

He doesn’t speak for a long moment, and guilt eats me alive.

At first, all I wanted was to tell him everything so things could go back to how they were. But things will never be the same. After seeing the instant affection between him and Lestari, I didn’t want them to. I didn’t want to drop everything on him and make him believe he had to go back to being that Vedarya.

So I told myself we’d take it one day at a time. He already sensed something was off within himself. I swore I’d be honest when conversations came up and fill in his blanks.

This isn’t how I wanted the truth to come out.

Not right before we march into war.

His comment sent fear and grief through me so fast there was no stopping the words before they spilled out.

“V…” I say.

“I don’t believe this is the time to discuss anything. We have too much at stake, and if Lestari and me standing with Valthaneus and Meridamus is more risk than reward, we will stay out of the way.”

I let out a long exhale and give him a grateful smile.

“We need to go,” Kyzen murmurs as he comes to my side.

“Right,” I say, squeezing his fingers.

Everyone grabs a replica and nods at my dad.

“I’ll take us straight to the hall.”

We mumble our understanding as his power wraps around us and carries us away. His embrace fades and we’re left standing at the back of the hallway, staring at the door that leads to the Gods Binding. Wordlessly, he places his palm against the wood.

Unlike when I had to go through hell to get it to open, it accepts his permission instantly. The empty white room greets us, but none of us pay attention to it. We follow behind my dad silently through the next door.

His barrier is still firmly in place before the Gods Binding, and my stomach rolls with anticipation. The brief glimpse he’d given us when he first stepped out had stolen every coherent thought from my mind.

For a fleeting second, the fact that he was standing before me for the first time in twenty years didn’t even matter.

There is no telling what it’s going to feel like to truly stand before it.

To touch it. To restore it.

My father roams his gaze over each of us, holding mine for a heartbeat longer.

“Prepare yourselves.”