Page 185 of Breathe Like Hell

Hated him for ripping the rug out from under me so fast, for destabilizing my entire life, taking away my entire sense of purpose, crushing me into nothing without so much as a glance backwards.

And I hated him even more for knowing he could do it again to me now.

As much as I’d fought it, I couldn’t stop my soul from needing him. Craving him every time he got close to me. Tangling itself irrevocably in the forest that was Micah Killshaw, thorns and needles and shadows and all the parts of him words couldn’t describe.

His grip on the back of my neck lessened ever-so-slightly and I instantly let go of him, my pulse spiking. I didn’t want him to let go of me first.

I needed to be the one to leave this time.

When his eyes met with mine through the darkness, it was clear he knew what I was doing. He let me walk away from him.

If I’d been stronger, I wouldn’t have looked over my shoulder before I reached the stairs, but I wasn’t, so I did.

Micah was still standing where I’d left him, still staring at me.

I miss you so fucking much.

I miss you, and I know that’s doesn’t mean anything now. It’s not enough. It never would’ve been.

We were never going to last, and I knew that, even then, even though I hated you for doing what you had to do. I knew that.

But that doesn’t mean I didn’t wish for a different ending for us with every beat of my heart.

He couldn’t read my thoughts, and he wasn’t in my brain feeling my emotions, but he didn’t need to. It was all over my face. I needed to turn back and go upstairs, but I couldn’t make myself leave. I wasn’t like him.

The lump in my throat grew.

We’d end up back here again soon. Stuck at these same crossroads where we decide to fuck or to turn around. We’d always end up here. This was all we had now.

And maybe I was fooling myself, convincing myself of some bullshit that wasn’t real, but I swore I could feel the words in his silence.

I wish we got a different ending, too.

I finally found the strength to turn away, then disappeared upstairs, leaving him standing there in the dark kitchen.

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

DAKOTA

The rest of the grades for all my final exams and projects had been inputted, and class pages were slowly appearing for the spring semester. It’d been stressing me out the past few days, even as Micah reassured me he’d still be there to help me. But still, seeing all my new courses pop up made me anxious, knowing they would start soon. I was going to miss being in his class so much.

At least he still promised to help me stay afloat, though. I wasn’t doing it alone anymore.

My last semester.

It was entirely surreal. On one hand it was relieving to know I’d be done with school soon, but on the other, it was worrying to know I’d have to try getting a real full time job with my degree soon after.

I rolled over in bed, finding the other side empty. My arm stretched out, palm pushing against the sheets. Not warm. It was still dark outside, not yet morning. The door to Micah’s bathroom was open and the room dark, no noise coming from inside.

Quietly, I got out of bed and tiptoed to the door.

I stopped dead in the hallway.

The door to the guest bathroom was mostly open. It was dark in the house since the sun hadn’t come up yet, but a light was on in there. And the shower was made of glass.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t really breathe.

Heat pulled sharp and strong in my belly, mixing with the betrayal warming my face.