Page 256 of Breathe Like Hell

CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO

DAKOTA

Six Months After

“Hey, butterfly,” Eric started, a slight nervousness in his voice as he clasped his hands together. It was the third time he’d come out of the office to check on me today. Usually he just offered me food or asked if I wanted to go on a break. I always told him no. “I’m just gonna be honest. I’m really fuckin’ worried about you, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

I bit my tongue, focusing on the painful sensation of my teeth cutting into my flesh so I wouldn’t think about any other part of my life, wouldn’t start crying.

“I’m okay, Eric.” I looked up at him.

“I don’t think you are. You graduated, right? With your fancy degree now?” he questioned, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

“Yeah. In May.”

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but, I mean…what are you still doing here? Can I help you with anything?”

Tears stung my eyes and I had to look out the window just to breathe through the lump in my throat. “What does it matter to you? Getting a new job isn’t easy.” Not that I’d actually tried.

“I know that. But I just wanted you to know I’ll help you with anything I can. I’m sure it won’t matter much comin’ from me, but I’ll write you the best letter of recommendation I can. If you need that. If you think it would help.” He cleared his throat.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No.”

“Then why are you talking to me about getting another job? You want me to leave.”

“That’s not it at all. I don’t care if you get another job, I’m just—I worry about you.”

“You don’t really need to do that, Eric.”

“Well, I⁠—”

“Do you think you’re my fucking dad or something? You’re not,” I snapped.

He froze, hurt coloring his expression.

Guilt made me nauseous.

“I’m perfectly aware of that,” he said, his voice thick. I curled my fingers into my palms harder. “But I’ve known you for several years and you’re acting very different in a way that concerns me.”

“I don’t see why my behavior would concern you. Like I said, you aren’t my dad. You don’t know me.”

“I need to know if you’re safe.” He leveled me with a gaze, and I hated it. I hated it so much. Hated him. Hated everyone who was concerned about me, because they didn’t know anything. They would never know anything.

“Oh, you think I’m going to kill myself? That’s what this is?” I said, louder, my voice getting higher in pitch. I hated myself for losing control in front of him, but it was impossible for me to hold myself together all the time. “I can’t do that!”

“I just want to make sure you’re safe, Dakota. If something’s going on⁠—”

“It’s none of your business!” I screamed, then got up from the stool. “It’s none of your fucking business, Eric. And you’re right. Your letter of recommendation wouldn’t do shit for me.”

He looked so shocked, so hurt, that I almost couldn’t stop the sob as it built in my chest. But I swallowed down all my grief and shoved my shit in my bag, then stomped out of the store, the door swinging shut behind me.

Gravel crunched under my boots across the parking lot, and I didn’t turn back once, despite the fact that I was leaving in the middle of my shift.

I walked for a long time, until all my thoughts disappeared into the sound of my footsteps, and I’d made it to the entrance of Micah’s forest. My gaze swept upwards, looking at the pine branches and the gray sky peering between them, the wind tangling high above my head.

My feet carried me on autopilot to his tree.