Page 275 of Breathe Like Hell

“Mason, what the fuck? You used to hold me against my will, and now you’re trying to force me out?”

“Maybe I don’t want to be that type of person anymore.”

“But I love that type of person. I love you. We will get through this.”

I didn’t believe her. Not really. I didn’t understand how it was possible for her to choose me in any capacity. She took a few steps forward, gently pushing me farther into the apartment.

“We’re broken together.” She leaned up and pressed her lips to mine, softly at first, until her hunger leaked into the kiss. Her lips parted and my lips parted and her tongue swept along mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

“You’re not broken in the same way I’m broken. You’re good,” I mumbled.

“I love you,” she whimpered, ignoring my words, moving to kiss my throat. “I love you. I love you. I will never leave you, Mason.”

Micah promised that, too.

I swallowed against the knot in my throat.

“I’m never going to be the person you need.”

“Neither is he,” she whispered, standing flat on her feet. “Not without you. He’ll freeze me out. You’ll drown me. But you live inside of him, and he lives inside of you. You can hold him in a way I can’t. And he can hold you in a way I can’t. You know him in a way I never will. Okay? This doesn’t work with only two of us. You know that.”

I wanted to scream at her.

No, I don’t know that.

He will never want anything to do with me ever again.

I have been a stain on his life. I’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

“I love you, and I love him.” She wrapped her arms around my neck. “You love him, too.”

“I don’t fucking love him, Dakota.” My pulse was too violent, my throat too tight.

“This isn’t you, Mason,” she whispered.

Yeah, I know it’s not me. But it’s kinda hard to keep being myself after learning what I’d tried to do to Micah at the end, after watching him fucking die, after going nine months without ever being able to apologize to him.

Even with him back I still couldn’t find the words.

It made me feel sick to think about. Really sick.

I kept thinking about how he must’ve felt in that moment, with me trying to force myself on him, trying to invade his body in the same way he’d been traumatized. I’d done plenty of terrible, unforgivable things in my life, but this was sticking with me.

That was probably the worst thing I could’ve ever done to him.

I was the only person Micah ever felt comfortable enough with to tell me what happened to him. The only other man he ever let top him. The only person he’d ever shown any amount of vulnerability to.

And I knew that he was telling the truth because I’d probably done the same thing to Dakota.

“You need to talk to him,” Dakota said quietly. “You know he doesn’t blame you for anything.”

“It’s fucking paralyzing me, Dakota,” I choked out. “I don’t even know⁠—”

“He’s okay. He’s strong. Okay? You didn’t re-traumatize him. You brought up an old wound he didn’t know how to deal with.”

I pressed my lips together, looking away from her. “Why are you fighting for this?”

“Because I cannot live in a world without you.” She shook her head, her eyes getting glassy. “We crave the seconds before our death in a way other people don’t understand. You know the taste of my fear better than anyone else. I don’t want to be without that, so I’m going to fight you on this. And I’m immortal now, so prepare for real never-ending stubbornness.”