Page 309 of Breathe Like Hell

If only she knew the things those words from her lips had done to my brain.

Something pathetically irreversible.

“Honestly, I haven’t thought much about it.” She squeezed my biceps, nails digging into my skin. “I guess it’s different to only fear pain, rather than death. Maybe I’ll convert to drowning.”

“You gonna tell me about your death fantasy?” Micah moved one of his hands up her stomach, along her ribs, squeezing her other breast. “Or do I have to wait?”

“You have to wait.” Dakota arched her back, pushing her chest into our hands, her ass grinding on Micah’s definitely-hard cock. “I want to swim.”

She pulled away from both of us, heading into the water. I glanced down at Micah’s obvious erection, then pressed my palm to his groin, relishing in the smile he flashed me as I did it. He slapped my ass, then we went after Dakota.

Cold seawater wrapped around my ankles, then my calves, climbing higher with each wave. Micah and I had a lot of shit to work through, but we also had time.

Time, and honesty.

We had more knowledge now. We’d witnessed our own demise once and learned from it. I couldn’t bring myself to regret that we’d broken apart, couldn’t bring myself to hate him for the two decades I’d suffered in his absence. He’d suffered, too.

And without our end, we wouldn’t have this new beginning now.

We wouldn’t have Dakota.

I could withstand any amount of misery if it meant I’d get her on the other side.

She waded deeper into the ocean, turning to the side when waves broke on her, pushing forward until she got to a calmer area, the water lapping at her chin. Her hair swirled around her shoulders, darker where it was wet.

Micah and I weren’t far behind her, trudging through waves, feeling the invisible undertow dragging us to her. Dakota slid under the surface, then reemerged with wet hair and flushed cheeks.

I thought of the first day I met her.

In this same ocean, powerful and constant.

Her hand reaching blindly through the cold and the dark, wet clothes weighing her down, saltwater in her mouth. I’d grabbed her wrist and pulled her out, staring at her blinking wide eyes and trembling blue lips, noting the quickness of her pulse at the base of her throat. Water dripping off her eyelashes, her nose, her chin.

Risking her life for a total stranger—one that was in no danger at all. I’d almost been mad at her for that, anger flickering with concern in my brain under the dark sky. But it was inevitable either way.

Either she went after me in a stormy ocean or our paths crossed another way. Our threads had always been tangled, destined to knot tightly and irreversibly.

She’d been the tiny anchor at the back of my mind for almost her entire life.

And Micah was the one who made her that way.

He put his hand on my lower back under the water as we walked the last few yards to reach Dakota. She had gone underwater again, and popped up closer to us this time, water trickling down her pink cheeks, a real smile on her face. A smile that I loved.

Our perfect drowning girl.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

DAKOTA

Micah knocked on the bathroom door. Again.

I remained curled up in a ball on my side on the floor, soaking up the warmth of his heated tiles and making zero move to go unlock the door. My eyes were puffy from crying, and I was staring at the cracked screen of my phone lying on the tile a few feet away from me.

As much as I wanted my new life to be void of panic attacks and shame spirals, it was not. My bad days still existed.

I simply had a better bathroom floor to cry on now. Warm, with a nice bathmat.

I tried not to, but I still felt so fucking stupid all the time. Even more now that I’d had the thought of unblocking my brother’s number this morning. I didn’t want to do that. He didn’t deserve for me to do that. But I still thought about it, still wondered if he’d ever tried messaging me, wondered what he would say if he did. I’d also blocked him and his new wife on all social media platforms, so I didn’t have a clue what was going on in his life. I hated that he still took up so much space in my brain, hated that I even cared about this. It’d been a year now, since the last time I saw him at Thanksgiving.