Page 44 of Breathe Like Hell

DAKOTA

Back at Micah’s place again, all my tiredness was hitting me like a wave. I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to get inside the house. It wasn’t even particularly late yet; I was just exhausted from the constant stress plaguing me, all the relationship anxiety, the lingering knowledge in the back of my mind that I was neglecting all my classes.

I wonder if I’ll feel like this forever.

Micah helped me take off my jeans and sweater, then I climbed into his bed in my pajamas as he went downstairs to fill my water bottle. Obviously, he hadn’t actually ordered food.

“I wish you would’ve let me finish my movie,” I said when Micah came back into his bedroom. He set my water bottle on the nightstand along with a pack of makeup-remover wipes and some Aquaphor. My chest ached a bit as I thanked him for bringing everything up—without me asking.

“What movie?”

“New Moon.”

“Ah. I haven’t seen that.” He grabbed the remote from inside his nightstand drawer and turned on the TV that was on a console across from the bed.

“Have you seen any movies at all, ever?”

“I’m not a huge movie person.”

I watched him clicking buttons on the remote as I wiped my makeup off with a wipe. “Then why do we watch so many movies?”

“I thought you liked them.”

“I do like them.”

He looked over at me, the glow of the TV making his expression seem slightly softer. “Then that’s why we watch them,” he said, like it should’ve been obvious to me.

He didn’t understand how unaccustomed I was to people considering what I liked or wanted. I’d grown up without a voice, without anybody other than Anthony ever noticing me. I felt bad thinking like that sometimes, because I knew my mom loved me, and maybe she was trying her best. But her best still left me feeling ignored and alone almost every day of my life.

I didn’t necessarily blame her, though. My father was a fucking nightmare, and ninety-nine percent of the time, all that terror had been focused on her.

“Well, I’m going to fall asleep. You don’t need to rent the movie now.”

“I’m renting it. You can finish it in the morning if you fall asleep.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping his stare focused on the TV. His expression was tense, and while I could think of many typical reasons why that might be, none of them felt correct tonight. “Some background noise for you to dream to.”

“Do you ever sleep with the TV on?” I dared to ask quietly, pulling the comforter up under my chin.

“No.” He cleared his throat. Discreetly, I stole another glance at him. He looked tired, and maybe a bit distracted.

“Oh. Okay.” I scooted across the mattress toward him, still under the covers, then reached my hand out and set it on his thigh.

Instantly, he snatched my wrist.

“Don’t touch me,” he snapped, so quickly it startled me. I recoiled, bringing my wrist to my chest as my heart pounded painfully on my sternum.

Blinking away the sudden sting in my eyes, I rolled back onto my side of the bed. “I’m sorry.” My voice was soft, almost inaudible, my lower lip trembling.

“Goodnight,” Micah said and dropped the remote, then left the room without looking back at me. I clutched the remote with both hands, staring wide-eyed at the closed door to his bedroom, desperately praying for him to come right back.

After several long minutes of waiting, it became clear Micah wasn’t returning any time soon.

I wiped my eyes and set the remote on the nightstand, laying on my side so I could see out the window while the movie played on in the background. The blinds were tilted up so I could see the sky and the tops of the trees swaying in the wind. When I’d gotten into this bed a few minutes ago, I could barely stay awake. Now, I had no clue how I was supposed to ever fall asleep.

Flipping over onto my other side, I breathed shakily, my face pressed to the pillow as I stared at the darkness of his bedroom, the soft light of the TV flickering over it. The blankets were all twisted around my body now, holding me trapped, but I didn’t try to free myself. My eyes blinked slowly.

Don’t touch me.

Nausea turned in my stomach, thorns wrapping around my throat.