Page 37 of Hard to Get

Jayden

interested

Fuck. I scowl at the ceiling. That doesn’t sound enough. But I don’t want to sound too much. I like being honest, but too much honesty can get you into trouble.

Her reply takes a moment.

Stella

We should talk when you get back.

What does that mean? Fuck! Texting sucks.

Jayden

Okay sure. Can’t wait to see you Saturday.

Stella

Good luck tomorrow

Jayden

Thanks. Goodnight. I’ll probably dream about you. But not in a creepy way.

Stella

Goodnight

I drop my phone onto the bed beside me and let out a long exhalation as a band tightens around my chest.

Back home, I spend Friday afternoon at an arena in Coquitlam.

I’ve met with this team before, a U18AAA team. They’ve been going through the training program through Best Men, a nationwide program. I’m not here to teach; they have trained facilitators for that. I’m here to talk about my own experiences and encourage the guys to talk about theirs. I also helped the organization develop the scenarios so they’re specific to things a hockey team might encounter. I’ve learned a lot from being at these sessions. Sometimes, it’s hard to know how much impact we’re having on the others, but I figure if one kid takes something away from this, it’s worth it.

They’ve learned about sexual assault, sexual harassment, and rape culture. Today, it’s bystander intervention.

Craig, the facilitator, opens with, “Has anyone here heard of the bystander effect?”

The young guys all shake their heads.

“Jayden, wanna explain that?”

“Sure.” I look around the room to make some eye contact. “The bystander effect is when people don’t offer help to someone in need when other people are around. Have you ever seen something happening that you’re not comfortable with and wondered if you should do something?” I look around again and see some nods. “Think about it for a minute.”

We pause for that.

“Why do you think when more people are around, fewer people are willing to help? Like, what’s the reason the bystander effect happens? No judgment,” I add. “You don’t have to share your specific story if you don’t want.”

“There’s probably someone there who’s more qualified to help than I am,” one young man says.

I nod. “Yeah.”

“Maybe that person doesn’t really need help,” another one says. “My mom tried to help when she saw two boys in our neighbourhood fighting. One kid was big and the other was little and she was worried something bad was going on. Turned out they were just friends horsing around.”

“Then you could be embarrassed,” I comment. “If that happens.”

“Yeah.”