Page 64 of Hard to Get

I wanted to talk to Stella about it.

Shit.

Okay. At one time in my life, I didn’t stand up for what I believed in. I was scared. And that’s something so deep down vulnerable that I’ll probably never talk to anyone about it. But right now, I can do something to walk the talk. “When I was about ten, I went to a friend’s house for dinner. His mom asked if I liked the food, and I said no. It was true! She told me I needed to learn some manners and they never invited me again.”

They all stare at me.

“So much for honesty,” LG says.

“Right?”

I look at Sammy. “What was with Bish not passing to you? You were wide open a few times, and he didn’t pass to you.”

“I don’t know.” Sammy scowls. “Believe me, I’m asking that question, too.”

“Have you asked Bish?” LG says.

“No.” Sammy drops his gaze. “That never goes well.”

“I know he has a hot temper,” LG agrees, “but we can’t let that stop us from holding him accountable. We can’t all be afraid of him.”

I shift in my seat. Fear fucks you up. I don’t want to be weak and pathetic.

“Remember the movie, Dune?” Cammy asks. “Fear is the mind killer.”

I nod. “Right. It stops us from thinking rationally. Which leads to inaction, and failure.” I look around the table at my friends and teammates. “What else are you afraid of?”

“Mice,” Dolly says.

We all burst out laughing. It relieves a little of the heaviness surrounding us.

“I bet we’re all afraid of the same thing,” I say. “Looking stupid. Weak.”

“Failure,” LG adds.

“Yeah.”

“Agree,” Cammy says, and the others all nod. “In fact, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

I see he’s sort of joking. But sort of not.

“I’m claustrophobic.” Sammy shrugs.

“I knew a guy who’s afraid of mascots,” LG says.

“Wow.”

“It’s not that uncommon. Lots of people are afraid of clowns.”

“True.”

“I’m afraid of dogs,” Finn says, giving me an uncomfortable look.

“What? You’re afraid of Frank?”

“Sort of.”

He puts on a good act. I’ve never even noticed. “But he’s harmless.” Well, that was a stupid thing to say. That’s not going to help.