Page 34 of Not My Problem

Rumor had it the woman who was going on maternity leave wasn’t sure if she was coming back after the baby was born, so that was definitely a possibility. But if not, something else would come up.

“I’m so proud of you, dear,” Grandma said. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, the only thing I’ll ask is if you won’t be here you’ll let me know so I won’t be worried that you got run over by a bus or something.”

“I will Grandma, thank you.”

I started spending more time with my girlfriend after that. Most of the time I slept at Grandma’s house, but I stayed over one or two nights at Gretchen’s on the weekends when we were both off work. We all had dinner together at least once a week, alternating between houses.

Things were mostly going well between us, but I was growing uneasy with the way that Gretchen seemed to think she always had to take care of me. At first I’d like the feeling of someone taking care of me. It had made me feel safe and cared for, but gradually I started feeling like what I wanted was being disregarded.

The more comfortable we got, the more Gretchen acted like she knew what was best for me. Sometimes it felt like she was my caretaker instead of my girlfriend.

It started with her picking me up from work when I did overnight shifts. Every time I worked overnight I’d tell her I was taking the bus home, and every morning I’d come out to see her parked in front of the shelter waiting for me. A couple of times she gave me clothes that she just ‘happened’ to find when she went shopping, always claiming it was a big sale. Whenever we went out she tried to pay for everything, always referencing that I was only working part-time. And the day after I told her I was thinking of taking some college classes she appeared on my grandmother’s porch with a stack of brochures from local colleges.

It seemed weird to complain about someone being thoughtful. I distinctly remembered wishing other people I dated would show me some consideration. I also knew that being useful and taking care of people was how Gretchen showed her love, but there was something else there too. A lack of agency. A feeling that she believed I wasn’t capable. It almost felt controlling.

Our relationship developed a power imbalance, and I was starting to feel stifled.

My grandmother was also helping me out a lot, but that felt different. She didn’t push things on me, she gave me options, asked if I wanted help or advice before getting involved. She didn’t just steamroll over me. Grandma always encouraged me to research things and make my own decisions. I realized that the difference was that my grandmother saw me as someone to spend time with and support, while Gretchen saw me as someone to take care of. It didn’t feel good. The more I tried to get her to give me space, the more it felt like she was overpowering me.

I wished that I had someone to talk to about my growing discomfort with Gretchen. Ideally I should talk to her, but the few times I tried she rebuffed me, acting hurt that I was complaining about her doing nice things for me. That just made me feel worse. I couldn’t talk to Grandma, given that she was friends with Gretchen, and I hadn’t been living in Seattle long enough to make any close friends yet.

It took another two weeks for things to come to a head…

Gretchen

Ilooked up as Rochelle knocked on my office door.

“How’s Zoe doing? That must have been scary as hell for her.”

I stiffened. “What are you talking about?”

Rochelle got an ‘oh shit’ look on her face. “Uh. I was just reading the incident report she submitted about the attack.”

I sprang out of my chair. “Attack? Someone got attacked? Wait, are you saying that Zoe got attacked?”

She’d been on the overnight last night, and I hadn’t picked her up like I usually did because I had an early morning meeting with our finance committee. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, looking for messages from Zoe. When I didn’t find any, I turned back to Rochelle.

“What happened?”

“Something happened with one of the shelter guests who left a DV situation. The ex-husband apparently figured out where she and the kids were staying and figured he’d get in easier if he came at night. He came in right behind someone and when Zoe tried to stop him, he shoved her.”

“Is she all right?” I gasped. “I need to go.”

“She’s fine. Just shaken up, I imagine. She called the cops and they arrested the guy while he was walking up and down the hallway bellowing his wife’s name and knocking on doors,” she said. “Julia and Chris came right over as soon as they heard and made sure everyone was okay.”

“Thanks Rochelle.”

My friend walked away and I grabbed my cell phone, first calling Zoe and when she didn’t answer I called her grandmother.

“How’s Zoe?” I asked.

“She’s fine dear, why?”

“I heard there was trouble at her job last night.”

“Oh yes she told me. Some asshole pushed her to the ground, but she’s not injured. The police took care of it. Nothing to worry about.”

But I couldn’t help worrying. After stewing about it for an hour I pinged Julia over at the shelter, asking her to get on a video call with me.