Page 5 of A Shared Mind

Ha! My one foray into the possibility of hooking up was a fucking disaster. I didn’t usually allow my mind to go back to that horrible night, but it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t seem to be judgmental.

“Almost, one time. It was a guy in my econ class. We were working on a joint project and spent a lot of time together. He was straight, but one night toward the end of the semester, he said, ‘I’ve always wondered what’s the difference between kissing a girl and a guy. Can I kiss you? For the sake of clarification?’ He didn’t wait for me to answer.”

Kirk gave a low whistle. “What an asshole. Unfortunately, he’s not the only guy out there like that.”

That was the damn truth! “He kissed me with way too much tongue, and then he pulled back and laughed. He said, ‘Wow, you suck at kissing. That was nothing like the guys I’ve seen kissing when I’ve watched porn.’” God, I sounded pathetic to my own ears, but that kind of humiliation really stuck with a guy.

Now, kiddo, don’t despair. I dated lots of ladies when I was alive, and I can promise you if I’d ever said to them the shit that guy said, the pussy door would slam shut immediately.

That was inside my head, right? Based on Kirk’s lack of reaction, I was guessing it was.

Kirk took a sip of his water. “Do you watch gay porn? I mean, to understand the mechanics of it? I think it can give people an unrealistic expectation of what love and intimacy looks like. The pizza guy who delivers to our house has never come inside for a threesome.” Kirk smirked when I looked up, and we both laughed.

“Sure, I’ve watched porn, which is how I figured out I’m into guys. I’m just afraid I’ll be really bad at it, so I don’t try.” That was me in a nutshell, really.

“I know a guy who is aromantic—not into romantic relationships at all. He’s dating a woman who is asexual—not into a sexual relationship at all. They’re honestly opposites in many other ways, but I learned from them that we all have different things that attract us to a partner.”

I nodded. It made sense, but I wasn’t sure how his analogy related to me.

Kirk continued. “Some people have to know someone very well and have feelings for them before they develop an attraction. Other people only want impersonal hook-ups with no exchange of information at all, and others find a relationship in the most unlikely places.”

There was truth in his comments. I guessed his point was that there was no perfect way to find your person—if you were meant to find your person. “So I’ve heard.”

“Look, bottom line. I believe when you find your person, the pieces click into place like a puzzle. That’s what happened with Reg and me. We took some time to get to know each other and learn what makes the other tick before we decided to be intimate. I just don’t want you to believe you’ve got to do anything you don’t want to do because the other person might have unreal expectations.”

I appreciated his advice. I’d been lucky or smart enough to steer clear of guys who gave off the vibe that they wouldn’t respect my boundaries. “Yeah, I get it.”

Kirk looked at his watch and exhaled. “Respecting yourself and waiting until you feel something for someone isn’t wrong, Justin. I believe if more people did that, there would be less heartache in the world.”

I glanced at my phone to see it was after one in the morning. “Yeah, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. I need to go, too. I gotta pack.”

We stood, each of us leaving money on the table, and we walked outside, Kirk stopping on the sidewalk. “Hey, do you wanna exchange numbers? I’ll be happy to give you a listening ear anytime you need one. I know things can get complicated at times, and talking things out with a friend can help.”

He handed me his phone, and I tapped in my name and phone number, returning it to him. Kirk took it, and immediately my phone buzzed in my pocket.

“There. Now you have my number too. It was good to talk to you, Justin. Safe travels home,” he said as we shared a one-armed hug. He flagged a cab, and I headed down the street to my hotel. He’d given me some things to think about.

Yeah, but all that touchy-feely bullshit doesn’t matter when you get beneath the sheets. You stick with me, kid. I won’t let you down.

Who the fuck was that and what was going on in my head?

Chapter Three

Justin

My life went back to normal after returning to Kansas City. I went back to work, and the voice in my head that I feared was going to develop into another personality quieted down, thankfully. I must have let that visit to Madame Stella get under my skin too much. Hearing voices isn’t my style.

I had a new client coming into the office for a consultation, and I was actually looking forward to it. It was the polar opposite of how I usually felt about meeting clients: anxious and nauseated. Speaking to people I didn’t know was a huge deal to me, but for some reason, not this time.

“Uh, Viviana, do we have coffee available for Mr. Fines? He should be here in a few minutes.” Viviana was the assistant I shared with Eve. She was fantastic, and we both adored her.

Eve had returned to Kansas City a week after me—without Tommy Herbst. She was now a single woman. She and Herbst got into a fight that she’d refused to discuss with me, so I immediately jumped to the conclusion their fight had something to do with me.

I still hadn’t taken Kirk’s advice to talk to a therapist, and I hadn’t called Kirk to talk because it seemed awkward since Eve and Herbst had broken up. As far as I knew, Herbst was still his client.

Viviana leaned closer. “He’s already here, Justin. I got him a bottle of water while you were on the phone. Coffee’s set up in Conference Room B. You want me to go get him?” Viviana handed me a binder we’d prepared for Mr. Fines’ meeting.

“I’ll go get him. Thank you, Viviana.”