Page 16 of Paradigm

She was sipping her coffee more to have something to do than anything else, and before she knew it, she’d finished the whole thing. The man behind the counter was eyeing her, or so she thought, so she left her cup on the table to hopefully save her seat and walked up to the counter to order another drink as well as something to eat. Luckily, her table was still available when she came back, so she sat down after tossing the empty cup into the trash. She probably should’ve gotten an actual mug, but Eline had not been in her right mind when the barista had asked her if she wanted it for here or to-go, and she’d said to-go but then sat right down at her table. After nearly finishing her second cup and eating the muffin she’d gotten herself, she checked the time to discover that she still had another ten minutes before Arlowe would arrive.

“Would you mind too terribly saving my table for me?” she said to the woman sitting next to her, who wasn’t wearing headphones. “I’m meeting someone, but I need to use the bathroom.”

“Sure,” the woman replied.

Eline got the four-digit code from the barista and closed the door behind her, blocking out the steady noise from the café for at least a few minutes, which she hadn’t realized that she’d needed. Having finished with what she needed to do in there, she took several deep breaths as she washed her hands and dried them. Then, she checked herself in the mirror and decided that wearing her long blonde hair down had been a good idea. Adding a few waves to it had been worth the time as well. She’d even put on a little makeup, but just enough to make her not look too pale. Knowing that this was the best she was going to look at this point, she pulled open the door, walked back out into the café, and that was when she saw her.

Arlowe Romano was standing just inside the door of the café and off to the right a bit, likely to let others come and go behind her. She was wearing a pair of jeans with a couple of small tears in them, which was just like the Arlowe that Eline remembered, but she also had on a dark-blue blazer, which wasn’t at all like the Arlowe that she remembered. Under it, Arlowe had on an old band T-shirt, and Eline lost her breath when she realized that it was actually her old band T‑shirt. She’d bought it at a Dutch rock band concert that she’d gone to on her eighteenth birthday with some friends, and they’d broken up by the time Arlowe had even come to Amsterdam, so Eline had forgotten all about the band and the shirt, but Arlowe, apparently, hadn’t.

Their eyes met, and Eline realized that she did actually need oxygen, so she let out another deep breath and watched Arlowe as a smile hit her face and widened, and her shoulders dropped like she was relieved. Eline knew the feeling because something came over her, too, the moment she’d seen Arlowe for the first time in twelve years. Arlowe looked older, yes, and her hair was shorter now and actually styled instead of pulled up or just left natural and messy, which Eline had always loved, but she was still the most beautiful woman that Eline had ever seen.

They stood there, just staring at each other from across a café, until finally, Eline heard someone clearing their throat, and she turned to see a woman nodding toward the bathroom door that Eline was currently blocking.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said and moved out of the way.

The woman entered the code and walked into the bathroom, and Eline looked back at Arlowe, who nodded toward the short line. Eline nodded toward the table that she’d been saving for them and then walked over to it just to make sure Arlowe understood. She expected Arlowe to stay in the line and order herself a cup of coffee, but when Eline got to the table, Arlowe was there seconds later, and she had not been prepared to have to talk to her yet. She’d thought she’d have at least a couple of minutes to decide how to greet her while Arlowe waited for her coffee.

“Bathroom,” she said when Arlowe was only a few feet away.

“What?” Arlowe asked, and her voice was deeper now; deeper than it had been back then, but also deeper than in the videos that Eline had of her and of them together.

“Um… I got here early. I just had to use the bathroom first.”

“Oh, okay,” Arlowe replied with a small chuckle.

Eline hadn’t heard that laugh in years, and it still made her a little weak in the knees.

“I just wanted to know what you wanted. I’ll order it with mine,” Arlowe added before she hooked her thumb in the direction of the counter.

“Oh, I’m okay.”

“You don’t want anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though,” she said.

“You asked me to coffee, but you don’t want any?”

“I had some already. I was early, remember?”

“Well, do you want anything to eat?” Arlowe asked her. “Honestly, I couldn’t eat breakfast, and I barely had anything for dinner last night, so I think I need to eat something just so I can carry on a conversation without passing out.”

Arlowe laughed a little nervously, and Eline was happy to hear it because it told her that Arlowe was nervous, too. She had a way of appearing completely and totally confident and secure to everyone, but if she really let someone in, they could see beneath that bravado and discover how she really felt, which wasn’t ever all that confident or secure, and Eline was grateful that at least that hadn’t changed.

“I had a muffin already. So, get whatever you need. I’ll hold the table,” she replied and watched Arlowe’s face as she contemplated something.

A few moments later, though, Arlowe walked away, and Eline wondered if she’d been thinking about how they could greet one another because they hadn’t technically done that yet. The last time she’d seen her, they’d hugged after sharing their final kiss as a couple, and neither of them had wanted to let go, so they’d stood there, holding on to each other for several minutes before, eventually, Arlowe had pulled away, unable to meet her eyes, and had left. Eline hadn’t been sure if they’d shake hands today, hug, or not touch at all, and when Arlowe walked off, she realized that it would be the latter, and there was something very disappointing in that for her.

Everything about their relationship had been magical. From the moment they’d met and even to their final minutes together, there hadn’t been a single awkward moment between them, from what she could remember, and since Arlowe had agreed to meet her for coffee, Eline had thought of at least a hundred ways it would go when they finally saw one another again, but this one – this awkward thing between them – had not been one of them. In one of her visions of their meeting, she’d even just run straight up to Arlowe, pulled her into her arms, and kissed her deeply, despite not knowing if Arlowe had someone else. That had Eline’s thoughts running again, so instead, she tried to casually look over at Arlowe, who was standing in line and had her phone in her hands, typing.

Eline smiled a little because she knew what Arlowe was doing. She was sending her friends a message, probably telling them about the first awkward moment between them and maybe even asking them what she should do. Eline looked down at Arlowe’s hands then, and while she knew that not all married people wore wedding rings, she still let out an internal sigh of relief when she didn’t see one on Arlowe’s finger.

Eline thought about how she had added Marti’s number to her contacts and had even texted the woman back so that she would have hers, but since they had only met once, and she knew that Marti had some things to deal with in her own love life, she decided not to message her about this situation. She then watched Arlowe grab not one but two cups from the counter and walk over with them. She set one down in front of Eline and sat down across from her with the other cup.

“I got you something anyway. You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want to, but it felt weird, getting me something and not bringing you anything.”

“Thank you. What is it?”

“Cappuccino, dry.”