Page 26 of Paradigm

“You look dressed up.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea, Enya.”

“No, I mean, you said it was a drink, but you’re dressed up like you’re going on a date. You’re not wearing jeans.” Enya pointed to her legs. “You always wear jeans.”

“I don’t always wear jeans. Sometimes, I dress up.”

“Not really. You wore jeans to the theater.”

“I didn’t want to go to that musical, but Violet bought us all tickets, so I had to.”

“Arlowe, is it a date?”

“I honestly don’t know,” she said and sat down next to Enya on the sofa. “I didn’t use the word, and she didn’t ask if it was a date.”

“Do you want it to be a date?”

“That’s a hard question to answer.”

“Why?”

“Because the answer is yes and no.”

“I think you might need to figure out how close you are to the yes side of things.”

“I’m like eighty-twenty,” she replied.

“Eighty percent on the yes?”

“Yeah. Like, there’s still a spark there. I can feel it. She can, too.”

“She told you that?”

“No, but she also doesn’t have to tell me much. That part hasn’t changed between us. I’ve always been able to read her. Admittedly, I’m a little out of practice, so I might miss some stuff, but it’s still there for her, too.”

“But that’s just the spark. What about the rest of it? The thing that had you thinking she was your one and only back in Amsterdam – is that still there?”

“I don’t know that part yet. I do know that I want to see her. Now that she’s back in my life, it’s like I don’t want to be without her ever again, and that’s really scary. We were never friends; not like Sarai and Gabi, who were sort of friends, or even Violet and Stella, who kind of loved to hate each other. It was immediate with us. I never wanted to be Eline’s friend. If it’s not a date, and there’s no chance of us dating, I’d have to figure out if I can have her in my life in any other way.”

“So, going out for drinks with her tonight is not a date, but it might be you trying to figure out if you can be friends if there is no dating?” Enya shook her head. “Confusing. All of this confuses me. Probably why I hardly ever date.”

“No, you hardly ever date because of other reasons.”

“Like?”

“Like you’re always learning. You took that one woman on a date to some Indian restaurant last year just because you wanted to practice speaking Bengali.”

“Not just,” Enya defended.

“Pretty much, Enya. She did not ask for another date and then ghosted you when you did because you spent most of the night talking to the owner of the restaurant. You also don’t date much because it’s hard for you to find someone who can keep up with you. Your brain is special.” Arlowe patted her friend on the knee and stood. “You’re looking for someone who understands it, and I don’t think you’ve found her yet.”

“When will I?” Enya asked. “Vi has Stella. Sarai found Gabi again, and I don’t know what’s going on with you and Eline just yet, but you two found each other in the first place, at least. Then, there’s me… I’ve never really been in love, unless you count that one week in Ireland, and that was just a silly crush that I thought was love.”

“It’ll happen, Enya,” Arlowe replied and slid her black blazer over her steel-gray button-down. “You’re amazing. And you shouldn’t settle, so you wait for her because you deserve the best.”

“Well, the best is certainly taking her time.”

“How do I look?” Arlowe asked, changing the subject because she had to go, or she’d be late.