Page 99 of Deviant Need

“I know.”

My lips come down to his, and he opens for me immediately, his tongue pushing into my mouth while he spins us suddenly, rolling me onto my back. He settles on top of me and groans into the kiss, his family crest necklace falling forward to touch my identical one with a soft metallic clink.

His hands slide down my chest, fingers spreading across my ribs, and he pulls back from the kiss to rest his head against me, listening to my heartbeat. My arms wrap around him, and I press a kiss to the top of his head, breathing him in.

Closing my eyes, I hold him tighter, trying not to think about what would have happened if he’d succeeded. How neither of us would have had this moment.

Chapter 23

Mikhail

Daniil hasn’t left my side since the other day. My hoodie covers the marks on my neck, the evidence of what I tried to do. He refuses to let me out of his sight, finding any excuse to follow me room to room. Bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, wherever I go. He’s always there.

What I did broke something in both of us. I catch him staring at me like he’s scared I’ll do it again the second he looks away.

The guilt is crushing me. He had to see me hanging there and get me down. I can’t stop thinking about what that must have felt like for him, watching me choke and struggle. The shower’s the only place I can cry about it without him knowing because the water hides that I’m falling apart over what I put him through.

I just need to get this event out of the way. I’m hoping my brothers want to help me kill our father because I need it. We all need it, I think. Once he’s gone, maybe I’ll be able to exist without feeling like I’m suffocating.

I’m not very good at taking care of myself. Never have been. I take care of everyone else first, and I’m always last on the list. Daniil needs something, I handle it. The clubs need attention, I’m there. Someone needs backup, I show up.

But when it comes to me, to what I need, I just push it down and ignore it until it explodes. It’s just who I am, how I’ve always operated.

Daniil takes care of me though.

I wish I wasn’t such an idiot and realized I loved him sooner. All those times he pushed me away, all the hurt in his eyes when he saw me with girls at the clubs. I would have been destroyed if I loved him like that and had to watch him do those things.

He’s the love of my life. The missing piece that was never actually missing because he’s been right here all along, waiting for me to see it. He’s been there through everything and knows every fucked-up corner of my brain and every terrible thing I’ve done and stays anyway.

I glance over my Uno cards just to sneak another look at him next to me.

He’s hunched over his hand, focused, chewing at his lip while he thinks through his next move. We’re on the meeting floor above Ozero, the music from downstairs a distant thrum beneath our feet.

Alexei sits next to him, looking way too serious about a card game, his brown eyes scanning his cards. Yulian’s across from me, actually behaving himself for once, which is almost more unsettling than when he’s being an ass.

We’re going to ask them soon. About how to get out from under our father’s thumb.

Daniil finally plays, slapping down a draw four on Alexei with a satisfied look spreading across his face.

“How do you always have the best cards?” Alexei says flatly, dragging four new cards off the pile with his jaw clenched tight.

It’s rare we get through a full hand of Uno without someone throwing a punch or flipping the table. The game brings out something competitive and violent in all of us. I throw my card down hard, and the slap echoes across the pile, louder than it needs to be. Yulian plays his next with that signature smirk he always has.

Then it’s Daniil’s turn again. He slaps down his final card and taps the pile twice. His signal for winning.

Alexei frowns. “You always cheat. How do you even do that? There’s no way that’s luck, asshole.”

“Watch your fucking mouth,” I snap at him, my hand tightening around my cards.

The table goes quiet. Alexei looks at me, one eyebrow raised.

Yulian leans back in his chair, watching us with interest now. “Someone’s in a mood today.”

“Shut up, Yulian,” I say and toss my cards onto the table.

Daniil’s hand comes to rest on my leg under the table, squeezing once, telling me to calm down.

“Our father shouldn’t have done that,” Yulian says out of nowhere.