Page 26 of Afterglow

“Since you were together,” she finishes, her eyebrows pulling down.

“Yeah.” I take a sip of my coffee just for something to do. I don’t want to look up and see the disappointment in her eyes.

“Hey,” she says gently, reaching across to place her hand on my forearm. “I’m not judging you.”

“I know. It’s just not… I know it’s not what you were thinking. I honestly don’t even know where we go from here. She made an appointment, so she’s keeping the baby… or at least that’s where my head’s at. But considering she hasn’t called me, I have no idea what part she wants me to play.”

“Do you want a part to play?” she asks me gingerly.

“Of course I do. You more than anyone should know that. But this way?”

“Yeah, okay, it’s not conventional, but I’m sure you and Leanne can figure it out.”

I shake my head. “We had a pretty rocky start to things; I honestly don’t even know if she likes me.”

“Um. Maybe I’m missing something. How did you end up in bed together if she doesn’t like you…”

“It’s a bit complicated.” I squint at her over my mug and take another sip. “She’s… She was… Her sister was a bride here.” I swallow the hot coffee and avert my gaze.

Becca chokes and begins to splutter. “What?!”

“Yeah, her sister got married here back in August. Leanne was my contact for all the planning. We didn’t have a great working relationship, and that led to some charged interactions in person… Just in a different way than I expected.”

Now she’s cackling. Like, has to set her coffee down so she doesn’t spill it kind of laughter. “Oh my gosh, I never would’ve thought you had a hate-fuck in you, brother.”

“Ugh, don’t say fuck. You’re still twelve.” I grimace. It’s also been a while since she called me “brother” and it hits home today with all of this going on.

“Shut up!” She shoves my arm playfully. “But seriously, this is amazing.”

“How is this amazing? It was unprofessional and now… Well, now she’s pregnant, and like I said, she might not even like me.” I hang my head into my hands.

“Do you like her?” she prods.

When I look up, she’s waggling her brows and smirking.

“You really are twelve. But, yeah, I do,” I admit, and it feels good to say it out loud, to admit this interest to someone else.

“Does she know that?”

“I told her as much right before she blurted out that she’s pregnant, so I’m not sure it registered.”

“It should be pretty clear based on how concerned you’ve been for her.”

I press into the point between my eyebrows where I can feel a tension headache blooming. I would’ve thought it was pretty clear too, but then why hasn’t she called?

“This was as much a shock to her as it was to me… Maybe more so. She believed she couldn’t get pregnant.”

“Wait… Why did she think that?” she asks, and I can see her doctor mode revving up.

I shake my head. “That’s not really my story to tell. You’ll probably get more of the details when you see her.” Thinking about Leanne’s ex still makes me want to break something, or punch someone—him specifically.

She nods, not pushing, even though I can tell she wants to. “You got her peanut butter?” Becca changes the subject, her face going all soft and her eyes turning misty.

I know she’s thinking of Sarah. I’ve been thinking of her too.

“It was the only thing I could do. I don’t…” I shake my head. “I haven’t let myself get attached to anyone since Sarah,” I say, and just her name on my lips makes my heart hurt. It’s even more confusing because I know I’m already attached to Leanne, and to this baby too. I’m so fucking attached. And it is terrifying, but my body thrums with the feeling—alive, connected.

Like they’re mine.