Page 85 of Afterglow

“I have no idea, but I guess we’ll find out.” Leaning over, I press a quick kiss to her belly. “Let’s get some cake and then we’ll start the lovely process of transferring all this stuff over to my place. We aren’t going to be able to see the floor in the nursery at this rate.”

There’s already boxes piling up from items Leanne and I have purchased, along with gifts from the shower Leanne’s coworkers threw her last Friday. It’s a good thing I don’t have a lot of events in the next few weeks because I have a feeling setting the nursery up is going to be a full-time job.

She sighs and leans back, fingers drumming on her stomach. “Cake sounds good. Doesn’t it, baby girl?”

The resulting kick is clear through her dark green sweater dress. “Looks like a yes to me. You know, we should probably start talking about names.”

Another sigh. “I know. I have a whole list in my phone, but none of them feel right.”

“Same. Want to make a list together tonight?” I ask, drawing my finger across the protruding foot on her belly so it pulls back like I tickled it. What a beautiful miracle.

“Yeah, we better or we’re going to end up as those parents who leave the hospital with a nameless baby.”

“Nah. When we see her, we’ll know. I don’t mind calling her butterfly for a while longer anyway.”

“Me neither, it’s sweet. Never would’ve thought you had it in you, you big softy.” Leanne leans and presses a kiss to my lips, making my hand slide around to grip her hip.

“I’m only a softy for you two. No one else,” I say with a mockingly gruff tone.

“Liar.” She kisses me again.

She’s not wrong, but I growl anyway and try to look menacing.

A throat clears a few feet away and we both glance up to see Kimberly standing in the space between the kitchen and the living room. “Cake is ready.”

Leanne pushes against the armrests of her chair and I reach for her elbow to help her stand. It’s not like she needs it, but I can’t keep my hands off her these days. I want to touch her all the time. I want to be with her all the time. I want her all the time.

“I am so full,” Leanne says, leaning against me while we watch Alex and Delia move piles of gifts to the foyer. “I’m going to run to the restroom before we head out.”

I watch her walk away, barely able to tell from behind that she’s pregnant in her dress; she’s still all stomach.

I make my way into the living room and grab a few boxes of diapers, moving them to the entryway as well. I look out into the softly falling snow and see Leanne’s car, already warming up for the two-minute drive back to my house. Robert must have grabbed her keys and turned it on before he and Kimberly left.

I find Alex standing next to Delia in the kitchen, where she’s wrapping up leftover cake as well as some of the Asian chicken salad and sourdough rolls she made for lunch.

“Come here, you,” she says, pressing onto her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

I lift her off her feet for a second before setting her down. She chortles and pulls back to palm my cheeks, squeezing gently.

“I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

“I am happy. Sometimes I don’t know if I deserve to be, but—”

“You do. Sarah would want you to be. She never would have wanted you to forgo finding love with someone else because you lost her. And she would be so happy to see you becoming a father.” Her eyes fill with tears, and I have to sniff back my own. She looks around before she says, “The first thing Sarah said after she told me she was pregnant with Sam was how she couldn’t wait to see you holding him. She knew you would be the best dad, and you will be.”

I tip my head back and release a quavering breath, losing the battle with my emotions. She’s never told me that before, and the tender ache of love not forgotten twinges in my chest. “Thank you. Both of you,” I say, looking at Alex. “I can’t thank you enough for your support.”

“You don’t have to,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. “Grief never fully leaves us, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can still love them while also making space for new love to come in.”

I suck in a breath and nod as his words settle over me. “After losing Sam, I never thought I’d get to be a dad… I didn’t know it was still something I wanted so badly, and I’m determined not to take this for granted. Having lost everything once… I can’t go through it again.”

“You won’t,” Alex says firmly. He and I both know he can’t guarantee that, but I choose to believe him all the same.

“I really appreciate having y’all’s example to emulate, that you guys took me in and never let me go—even after we lost them both like we did.” I clear my throat hard, needing to say the next words because I don’t say them enough. “I love you.”

Delia’s tears are overflowing now and Alex is nearly there as well, though he’s trying to be tough. Our tight three-way hug is interrupted by the sound of a car door slamming in the distance.

“Is that Rebecca coming back?” Delia asks, pulling away.