Page 99 of Unscripted

“Ben. We grew up together and he’s been my best friend since we were kids. I told him I wanted on the show and before the full force of my hangover could even hit, I was committed.”

“And here you are.”

“Here I am,” he said. “When the show started, I was still so mad at my father that I was determined to draw this out as long as possible. That anger has waned a bit since being in here, but still. It’s why I was so adamant about this plan of ours.”

I thought back to those first few days when I met Callum and the answer to a forgotten question suddenly clicked into place.

“That’s why you were such a dick when I met you.”

“Yes, and I am so sorry for the way I acted. I was proper shit for treating you like that. My dad found out only hours before I left for Italy, and it wasn’t pretty. It worked exactly how I wanted it to, pushed every button of his I knew it would, but dealing with the fallout still wasn’t fun. When I saw you on the ferry that day, I had just hung up the phone with him, so it was all quite raw.”

I nodded at him, finally understanding his cold behavior.

“Also,” he kept on, “my ex was American. She, uh, she hooked up with one of my friends last year and I walked in on them.”

My heart dropped and I felt sick for him.

“So, me coming in . . . being American . . . ”

“It was a perfect storm of everything I was angry at. But I’m sorry. I should have never taken it out on you, and I’ve felt horrible about it for a while now.”

I looked up at him and could see the weight of worry etched on his features.

“Well, I’m glad you ended up in here.”

His face relaxed and he smiled down at me, that real smile of his I had grown to adore.

“You know, I am too,” he said.

As we stood there looking at each other, I felt the weight of my past dissolve around me. It was all out there, our secrets and reasons. I knew Callum and he knew me. We could move forward. I could move forward, without the fear of the past catching up to me.

We stayed in the smoking area until Harry and Ben tracked us down, pulling us out of our little bubble and back to our other reality.

43

Week six of Bella Amore kicked off hot and bright as another heat wave rolled through Italy. Everything was sticky and sweaty, and the sun was unbearable. Even spending the entire day in the pool did nothing to cool anyone down.

Despite the physical discomfort, I found myself at peace in a way I hadn’t been in years. Everything was on the table with Callum, and he hadn’t walked away. Hadn’t deemed it too much or too complicated. He wanted to be with me, past bruises and all.

Just one single dark cloud remained on my horizon: Gavin. I still couldn’t quite believe our past came out the way it did. That whatever he was doing while I was in the villa was enough for me to be asked about him on the live show. It all felt so unnecessarily public, and even the bubble of the villa couldn’t save me from wondering what I would be walking into when this was all over.

I knew, in theory, that anyone, anywhere, could watch the show. My parents, for one, had told me they downloaded a VPN so they could keep up with it. But knowing that and actually seeing the effects of it in real life were two different things.

To me, Bella Amore felt like a distinctly British phenomena; something I could participate in while still being able to return to the US like nothing had happened. I would have never thought anyone back home would care to watch.

But could I have been wrong? Had the popularity of the show made its way across the pond? Would it be impossible to escape no matter what continent I was on?

Those were all questions I wouldn’t have the answers to until I was out of the villa, so I tried my best to push it all away. The broader impact of Bella Amore on my normal life was something I could sort out later. I simply wanted to enjoy the present and not be dragged down by the past.

It was our last week in the villa. Even with my deal-turned-relationship with Callum securely in place, I was still shocked that I had lasted so long; that I had really been here for almost a month and a half. It felt like a lifetime since I boarded that flight to Italy.

So much had changed.

I had changed.

Bella Amore had been transformative. I couldn’t remember the last time I allowed myself just to be; to settle into where I was and root myself in the present. There had always been another job to get, another milestone to mark, another box to check. Looking back now, I could see clearly the path that led me here and how things had gone so wrong with Gavin. I had been constantly looking forward, so far forward that I didn't realize what was happening right next to me.

This show had been a stressful, wildly emotional ride, and I had initially spent most of it second guessing my decisions and what I was doing with my life. But at some point, I had stopped worrying and simply starting being. I had learned to let go of expectation and to be present in the moment.