Page 21 of Insatiable

When I finally open my eyes, I’m face down in the cushions, with my glasses askew as I let out a groan. Why hadn’t I just taken myself to bed? ‘You know why. They’re up there and you’re down here,’ I think to myself as I sit up, straightening my glasses and look out the window to see the blue hue of the predawn light. I check my watch and see it’s a quarter to five in the morning. I’ve just enough time to drag myself into my bed for another hour or two of sleep. I stand stretching out my muscles, thinking that maybe a run would be better for me when the sound of soft moans reaches my ears. Turning around to look in the direction of the stairs, the moans get louder. My feet move involuntarily towards the stairs, putting my foot on the first step, I stop myself. ‘Do you really want to see Tate having sex with Sean or Jay, or possibly both of them together?’ I ask myself. I ease my foot back to the floor. I feel ridiculous for even thinking it. What did I expect when I said I was okay with sharing her? I feel like a child who agrees to share their toys, but when it’s time to hand the toy over I stamp my feet and have a hissy fit. I shake my head at my possessive thoughts, walking away as she calls out Jay’s name.

“Well, fuck,” I whisper, not wanting them to hear me moving around down here. I walk into my room trying to ignore my hardening cock. I decide I’ll forgo sleep, and go for a run, then have a shower instead. Once I’m in my room I remove my clothes, my frustration is evident as I toss them aggressively into the laundry basket. Tossing my glasses on the white marble bathroom sink, I make quick of work of turning on my shower. The steam rises out of the walk-in shower, I slowly pace, looking up at the ceiling like I have x-ray vision and can see what’s going on just above my head. I step inside the shower, holding my hand out into the spray letting the water get as hot as I can stand it before I step underneath the spray.

I can still hear her moans in my head, and it only makes my cock harder. I lean against the tiles, letting water run down my body as I take my cock in my hand. Squeezing it between my fingers I run my hands up and down my length, letting the sound of her pleasure spur me on. I imagine it was my cock she is riding. That it was my name she is screaming. I envision her face as she comes for me, pumping my fist harder with each thought. My toes curl as I stretch one arm out in front of me and brace myself as I come all over my hand, silently calling Tate’s name. Next time it will be her with me. I won’t walk away again. By the sound of things this morning, neither will she.

TATE

I need to claim them. When I woke up in the predawn darkness with the two of them on either side of me, I knew then I didn’t want to waste another minute of my life without them as mine. Completely. As I looked into Jay’s face as he began to stir, I didn’t hesitate. No, the timing wasn’t ideal but when would there ever be a right time, or the right moment for all four of us to be together? There were so many reasons why I could’ve talked myself out of the steps I took this morning. None of them were good enough to deter me. I need them. I love them. I can’t deny myself these feelings any longer. I don’t think the love for them has ever left me. I pushed them away once, I am not doing it again. I could have died. This is my second chance and I need to take it. Even with my shit show of a life pressing down on me. I would rather deal with all of my drama with them by my side than alone. I’ve spent most of my adult life alone, even when I was supposedly engaged. No more. Tate Charles is worthy, and I am worthy of my three men. See, Dr. Schaffer, homework done.

Climbing over two large naked bodies, I let them both sleep a little longer. I am in desperate need to clean up. The sun had finally risen but we have been up for hours. I lost count of how many times I came as they shared me between them. I was thoroughly used, and I loved it. I can’t remember when I felt so cherished and loved. How long has it been since someone wanted me? Not for what I could do for them, but me. This morning I feel different. Last night I wanted to run, and there was absolutely no logical reason to do so. Fear. I was afraid ultimately that they would see I wasn’t worth the effort. That has been my problem for most of my adult life and James only exacerbated my anxiety when I found out last night he had been cheating the entire time. Thinking of James only makes me move faster. We are going to LA today. Although I still feel a little shaky about going back to my home, I am not alone. I can do it with them beside me.

I take my time in the shower, letting the hot water wash over my pleasantly sore muscles with one thought on my mind. Cace. By the time I step out with a warm fluffy towel tucked tightly around me Sean and Jay were gone. I smile to myself thinking of our morning as I hurry to dress in marl grey leggings, and a long line white crisp button-down shirt and sandals. I quickly pick out my growing hair, moisturizing my short tresses, and admiring my new natural look. I can still see my scar but eventually my hair will grow around it. It’s a part of my story now, and there is no running and hiding from it. Taking one last look at myself in the full-length mirror, I finally feel like I’ve found myself again. I’m not completely healed, but I’m taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. Stuffing an extra outfit in my tote along with all my electronics I leave my room behind. Untidied. In just a matter of days I’ve changed. I went from hiding out in my room to avoid them to desperately seeking them out. I have a handsome doctor to go find.

The smell of coffee calls to me like a sirens song as I reach out and grab the banister, and although my hand still shakes, it’s getting better. I hold firmly onto the railing as I make my way downstairs, and drop my tote on the couch, then dance my way across the room. I’m happy. ‘A few orgasms will do that for a girl,’ I think to myself as I find Cace with his back to me. I can’t help but admire the way his long-sleeved cream Henley shirt clings to his lean sculpted back. I appreciate the view of his ass in his dark blue jeans all the way down to his bare feet. To think I was ashamed to admit I hadn’t had sex since long before I was in a coma. James wasn’t interested in me, and now I know why. Now, I am all about taking advantage of the three beautiful men in my life.

“See something you like?” Cace asks without turning around. Reaching into the cabinet above his head he grabs another mug and places it in front of me.

“Hmm . . . let me think, beautiful man or coffee?” I tap my fingers on the counter in front of me as if it’s a hard decision to make. “Coffee, please.” I laugh as he turns with a pout on his face, and it only makes me laugh harder.

“You think I’m beautiful? I guess there’s that.” He places the coffee in front of me and I hold up my hand to stop him from talking. I meant what I said. Coffee first.

“Let me say hello to my coffee first and then we can talk.” Cace crosses his arms over his chest, with a delicious smirk on his face and I take a sip of the nectar of the gods. There’s nothing like the first sip. I know it’s probably psychological but as the liquid spreads through my body it instantly settles my soul and helps me face whatever problems the day may bring. Setting the cup down reverently I slowly meet Cace’s eyes. Those deep brown eyes of his are hiding emotions behind them, and even after all this time I know when he needs to talk.

“Now, you want to tell me why you left me last night?” He goes to step back and put some distance between us, but I practically crawl over the counter to catch his arm. I have to admit I impressed myself I managed to move so fast. Unfortunately, now I have to figure out how to get down without spilling my coffee. Cace laughs out loud, and it is like heaven to my ears. Taking pity on me, he pulls me forward over the counter, picking me up and sitting me down to face him. To my delight he reaches behind me and slides my coffee next to me. Priorities. I fall a little bit more for this man because he gets me.

“I didn’t leave you. Sean and Jay were with you.” He stands in front of me, I spread my legs apart for him to nestle against me and gesture with my finger for him to come closer. Cace lifts an eyebrow, but he comes willingly. I can already feel the heat building between us as he invades my space.

“I do remember asking you all to stay.” I grab the front of his shirt pulling him so close our chests touch. Cace’s body towers over mine. My lip's part and his eyes track my tongue as I lick my lips. This isn’t how I’d expected our talk to go.

“You did. I had things to take care of, so I left you with them,” he says too quickly, and I know that’s not the real reason. I cross my arms over my chest and purse my lips.

“Talk to me, Cace. I didn’t run and I’m not going to allow you to run either.” His eyes widen at the serious tone in my voice, then they soften as he looks away. I love that I know this man so well.

“I left because I was afraid. I was afraid that despite you calming down last night that you would do what you did before, decide that we deserve better and push us away. I was trying to protect what’s left of my already overly exposed heart. Tay, we told you we loved you with our words and actions. We will wait for you. I know this is not easy, you’ve been through hell, and I don’t expect you to come running into my arms. None of us do. I’ve never been so vulnerable in my life. I feel like I am holding my breath until you tell me to open my lungs and breathe.” He reaches out to stroke my cheek, his eyes are sad as they search mine. And in this moment, I realize he is waiting for me, literally.

“I have my own fears, that one day the three of you will realize that you wasted your love on me. That you will walk away and decide I wasn’t enough. It was one thing when I could say I have three of the smartest men on the planet as my friends, but now.” I shrug and continue. “I questioned if I was worthy. It’s been a big deal for me in therapy but after last night, Cace, I woke up thinking life is just too damn short.” He smiles and blows out a breath, I can see him visibly relax. “I chose them this morning and I am sitting here choosing you now. I still have a shit ton of trauma to comb through, but I am not letting you go.” Looking up into his handsome face, his lips call to me, the need to claim what’s mine is like an itch that needs to be scratched.

“Well, after hearing your morning activities, I regret my decision not to stay immensely.” Cace laughs gently as he lowers his head and I raise my own to meet his, our lips hover just inches apart. I blow out a breath, very turned on by the fact that he heard us this morning. The idea of being watched thrilled me in a way I didn’t think it would.

“Did you want to watch?” I tilt my head to the side, my voice is low and seductive, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous as I wait for his answer.

“Yes.” His lips press softly against mine, and its instant relief. Cace groans from the connection, but I pull away, wanting to know more. Realizing yes isn’t enough, he wraps his arms around my waist pulling me in closer, so close I can feel his very hard erection. His hands explore underneath my shirt, and warmth spreads through my body from the heat his touch leaves behind. This time it is my turn to groan. They are going to be the death of me, but in a very fan-fucking-tastic way.

“Yes, but I stopped myself. Let’s just say I had a very long shower,” he says as he drops his forehead to mine.

“Next time I will join you,” I say breathlessly as his fingers trace my stomach, my scar tingles as he skims over it. I want him. We don’t have time for this, but I am ready to drag this man to his room.

“Next time.” He takes my face in his hands and he pours all of his feelings into a passionate kiss that has my panties melting in a puddle on the counter. Oh, sweet baby sequins, I want him. I press my breast into his chest and grind my pussy against fabric of his jeans needing so much more. A cough and footsteps have us breaking apart slowly, we both groan in disappointment.

“I hate to interrupt,” Sean says. My face is buried in Cace’s chest. I’m panting heavily and trying to control my raging lady bits.

“You know you loved interrupting.” Jay laughs, joining in with a tease. I finally lift my head to see all three of them looking at me.

“You tell us what you need, baby girl,” Sean says, and I blush slightly, wanting nothing more than to go for round two and get lost in all three of them.

“I need to go home,” I say somberly. I need to face my past so I can walk into my future with them without fear.

“We leave in twenty,” Sean announces.