Page 7 of Condemned to You

“Are you sure you’ll be okay with me gone for a few days?”

Nodding my head, “I will.”

“You should stay with your mother while I’m gone.”

I follow Pio into the master bathroom.

“I’ll be fine,” I assured him.

He gave me a worried look as he removed his boxers and turned on the shower. “I’d feel better knowing you had company while I was away.”

I crossed my arms, “You never worried about me being lonely before.”

Pio took a deep breath, “Well, I worry now.”

“Pio…”

“Don’t look at me like that Bethany.”

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid again.”

“You promised me that 4 other times.” The look of genuine concern on his face almost made me cry.

“I mean it this time.”

“I wish I could believe that,” his eyes darted to my arm.

His look pierced through the bandage around my forearm from my most recent self-inflicted wound last month. Suddenly, it felt like the skin under the bandage caught fire and I shook my arm as though it would make it stop.

“What is it going to take to earn your trust again?” I asked.

“When I know I can leave a knife, or pills, or alcohol out and not have to think about whether you’d use them to end your life.” Pio stepped into the shower. “This is not up for discussion.”

I couldn’t argue with that. I’d put everyone that loved me in a position where they couldn’t trust me anymore. The worst was having my own mother look at me with such disturbance. Whatever pain I was going through was nothing compared to my mother’s pain as she watched me do horrible things to myself. She didn’t deserve to see me like this, and I hated myself for being so weak.

Walking back into the bedroom, I collapsed back onto the bed. I needed to get my shit back together. What had I been doing the last 5 years aside from cheating on my husband with a man who was now dead. It was time to get over the pain of losing Emilio and rebuild myself. I lay there until Pio was out of the shower.

Sitting up when he entered the room, I blurt out, “I’m ready.”

“Ready?” He asked with a confused face as I was still in my nightgown.

“I’m ready to stop mopping around. I’m ready to stop being a burden to everyone. I want to be back on my feet. Get back on track.”

Walking over to me, he stood in between my legs and held my chin up to him. “Good. I’m happy to hear that.” He placed a kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry I have to miss your party tonight.”

Giving a half smile, “It’s okay.”

It was not the first time I’d be attending an event without my husband but it hadn’t bothered me before. Now that Emilio wasn’t around, I’d really know what it was like to feel lonely amongst a crowd of people.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Pio said. Normally, I’d get gifts of diamonds or a fur coat as a sad attempt to make up for his lack of presence. “How about you and me go away for a while?”

“Away?” I repeated surprised. “Like a vacation?”

“A long vacation.”

Now I was intrigued. Time away from here was what I desperately needed. “Where?”

Pio shrugged, “Maybe Europe? We can go wherever you want.”