Page 41 of Rage’s Rose

“I can’t regret the shit I did when I was younger because it gave me you and your brothers. Do I wish some things could have been different? Hell yeah I do! So you either get your shit together and stop blaming me for shit I cannot control or you don’t. I don’t give a fuck right now. I will love you no matter what you do or what you say because I am your dad. I just don’t understand where this anger and frustration is coming from. You won’t fucking talk to me! You’ve never fucking talked to me!”

I look away at my dad and try to calm down before looking back at him.

“I got that girl Rose pregnant. The sweet one that is friends with Peyton and Parker. I fucked up really bad. I said some shit I didn’t mean, I did some shit I didn’t intend to do when I was drunk. I think I love her. I think I have always loved her. She won’t talk to me. She found out I was not exclusive with her while we were sleeping together even though I made no commitments. Well at least that is what I made her believe. Truthfully I am too afraid of whatever that means. Too afraid of the things she was making me feel. The safety she was providing me made me want to run. Turns out the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because another bitch I fucked years ago, back in high school had my kid. She died and I got a call from her family. They came looking for me because they wanted fucking money for my kid. So yeah, apparently my ass is just like my old man. Now my kid has come into this world the same way I did. Losing one parent, that hid you from your father. Then being thrown into a life you're not familiar with.”

I get up and storm out of the room before any one can reply. I need to get away from here.

Chapter Nineteen

Rage

It has been a couple weeks since Whip was in the hospital and my current secrets came out. I decided that moving Mason to my house on the compound was best for everyone. I had a room set up and done for him when I first found out about him. He has been going to classes with Lash’s kids and I have never been more thankful for his mama. She took him on, no questions asked. He has gotten really close with Declan and for that I am grateful as well. So he has been spending a lot of time over at the McGraw household. It is like seeing my relationship with Lash in the next generation. I have yet to introduce him to my family. My dad has called, but I’m too busy being angry at myself and him. It might be stupid to feel any type of anger towards him, but he never showed me what a good woman looked like.

He might think that I found that when he married Liz, but all I saw was him marrying a woman who yet again fell pregnant with his kid. I love my younger siblings and Liz has been an amazing mother to them, do not get me wrong. But would dad have wanted to stay with her if she wasn’t pregnant? Who knows. It's a question that spins in my head all the time. It makes me look at my relationship with Rose. I know that I wanted her long before she was pregnant. I knew I was feeling all those things before, but would I have changed myself to the core if I hadn’t found out she was pregnant. That is really something I have been reflecting on. I guess it really doesn’t matter because she has made it abundantly clear that she is done with me. I can’t even get her to talk to me.

I sigh as I head out the door with Mason. He just looks at me with concern on his face.

“Are you okay, dad?”

He started calling me dad this week and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. It was not something I ever thought I would have.

“Yeah bud, I’ll be fine. Just thinking about your little sibling and what their mama is doing.”

I explained everything to him about the fact that he was going to have a sibling here in April. I of course told him that the baby’s mother and I were not together, but I was hoping that one day we can figure things out.

“Do you think she will talk to you before the baby is born? It would be cool if we knew if it was a brother or sister. I’d love to help you design a room for them.”

“I’d like that a lot, buddy.”

We continue walking down our driveway and down the road. Sophie invited us over to dinner tonight and I know that Lash has told her everything that has been going on and I am sure I am in for whatever lecture she is going to want to give me. I don’t know if I have it in me to deal with all that tonight, but I guess I need to stop running from all the bullshit. When we get to their house I notice that Dragon’s bike is there as well as Twisters. I don’t know the other bike, but I’m assuming it is his old man, Domino’s. I really wasn’t expecting more people, but what the hell. Mason must also notice the extra bikes in the drive because he perks up.

“Oh sweet, it looks like more of your brothers are here. I’m super excited to meet more of your family.” He then kind of looks up at me before he quickly looks away.

“What is it, Mason?”

I stop him just before we walk up to the porch.

“Um, well I—-” he clears his throat and looks up at me again. “I was just wondering when you thought that I could meet your dad. I mean I am super happy that I finally got to meet some of your family, but I would really like to meet my grandpa, grandma, aunts and uncles. I never really had that before.”

Mason has been in therapy, where the therapist has been working with him on talking to me about the things he wants and needs. He is working through all of the mess going on in his head and learning that no matter what he asks I’m not going to leave him or use him the way his mother’s family did after she died. I don’t really know if I want to deal with my dad right now, but I think for Mason I am going to have to.

“It’s just, this is something I’ve really never had before. Mom’s family was never around until she died and then they really just wanted to use me to get to you. I think it is amazing that you have a family that is both blood and not blood. I've talked to Declan a lot about it. He explained to me that everyone of the brothers is his uncle, but most of them he calls by their roadname because they aren’t really family like that. They are their parents’ found family. I don’t want to keep you from seeing your family. I know that everything is hard to explain, but I’d love to be able to get to know them and spend time with them. Um if that is okay with you.”

“Of course it is okay with me. I will talk to your grandpa, okay? We will find a time. Now let's get inside before everyone else eats all of Aunt Soph’s food.”

Two hours later we are sitting around the living room while the kids are downstairs doing whatever the hell they are doing. The twins are up here doing some playing on their floor mats.

“So boys, what in the hell is going on?”

“Oh here we go. Is this why you brought us here?” Dragon asks.

“Cane, don’t get an attitude. I want to know what the hell is going on. I’m your big sister. I deserve to know. Also I’m like Caleb’s best friend, so.”

Lash looks at her and makes an offended grunt noise, “Excuse me, wife. I am his best friend. You are his best friend by marriage.”

I roll my eyes at the two of them as Lash leans in and whispers something in her ear. She smacks him on the arm and rolls her eyes.

“Can you guys stop with the mushy? I didn’t come here to watch you guys fondle each other. Gross.” Twister says as he puts his hand on Isabella’s thigh.