Page 75 of Best Man on Campus

“Is the password hand job or music? I forget?” I laugh and it hurts.

“Don’t make me fucking laugh. Doctor’s orders, remember?”

“We only have a minute alone. Majik’s on her way up,” he says, leaning in to kiss me like he means it. I have trouble breathing, so the kiss is way too fucking short, but if I hold my breath too long, then I can’t catch up because it hurts so damn much to breathe deep.

“Fuck,” I say.

“What? You have pain?” His face goes concerned and I enjoy it because I’m a bitch. Something I need to remind myself before I get too used to him. Before I try talking myself into keeping him, making him mine. As if I could. It won’t take him long to ditch the likes of me.

I shove him aside, paying the price with a sharp pain deep in my chest, though I’m not certain if it’s my ribs or my heart hurting.

Majik comes into the room and she brings Dr. Dani Delray with her. Majik gives me a pat on the arm, but I pull her in for a hug.

“I’m glad you’re doing okay, champ,” she says, taking the one chair next to the bed while Ben stands with Dr. Dani.

“Dr. Dani, what brings you here?”

“You, of course. I wanted to see how you were doing when I heard you were injured.”

“How’d you hear that?” I give Majik an accusing look but she doesn’t give a shit.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” Dr. Dani smiles at Ben and I don’t like it though she clearly has no designs on him and he clearly would never go for a dumpy older woman like her. It must be the pain killers making me freak out like a crazy jealous bitch. Doing my best to hold in the sneer, I introduce them.

“Dr. Dani, this is Ben. My unicorn.”

She raises a brow. “Your unicorn?”

“As opposed to my demon reincarnated.”

“Sounds promising.”

“Only in my dreams.”

“We’ll see if we can get you some peace, Jazzy. You deserve some rest. In the meantime, I’ve reserved an hour for you this afternoon, bedside. We can have a long overdue talk.”

“Sounds like a blast,” I say. I can handle it. Everything in me wants to scream at her to get the fuck out, go away and never come back again, but I know that’s all wrong and I have just enough self-control to keep my mouth shut.

Maybe I’ll be able to keep it shut when she comes back later.

Everyone leaves because life goes on. Ben has classes and hockey, Majik has cooking and Dr. Dani has other patients. I try to sleep, but my nightmare returns, fresher and meaner than ever with both me and Ben covered in blood and running in the dark.

When I wake, the sun setting, I realize we escaped. Escaped death. Didn’t die in the car crash. I didn’t lose Ben. That was the most important thing to me in those minutes in the car waiting for him, I had to see him again.

And now I never want to see him again when the pain hits me, the gnawing, tearing pain of loss, a loss that didn’t happen, but that I imagine.

Dr. Dani knocks on the door in time to save me from sinking further into whatever hell this is, this horrible place my dreams and messed up head are taking me. Maybe it’s the pain meds making me worse.

“How are you?” Her smile falters when I look at her, not answering. She sits the bedside chair, cool and calm.

“You’ve had a near death experience, Jazzy. What has that meant to you?”

“That life is fucking unfair. The usual. Nothing new.” I slip back into my role of surly patient as if I’ve gone back in time two and a half years to the last time I saw Dr. Dani. She smiles.

“What about Ben? Did you have any regrets about him when you thought you might die?” Fuck, it’s like she’s inside my head, smart bitch that she is.

“You seem to have it all figured out. Why bother asking. Just give me the answers, Doc. Tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do. Give me the magic pill that makes it okay for a fucking shitty person like me to take down a … a fucking unicorn like Ben and drown him in my shit? Tell me that?”

“Is that what happened when you formed a caring relationship with Mrs. Majiski?”