Page 57 of Notorious Man on Campus

“Not up to it?” Nyla clasps my arm. My emotions are all out there on the surface, raw and exposed like the pink skin of a baby’s ass and his words feel like a harsh smack.

“What are you talking about, Jimmy?” Nyla asks.

“He has Parkinsons. It’s gotten bad lately and they upped his medication, but so far it’s not working.” He lets out a breath. “It feels damn good to share that with you. Dad wanted to keep it a secret.”

“Dad and his damned secrets and taboo subjects. Did you know we have an aunt in France?”

He nods and I feel struck again and I want to strike back. Jumping from the bed I yell at him.

“Fuck you and your secrets, Jimmy. Why have you been holding out on me all this time, all these years? Holding back—”

“Because I worried, dad worried. You were always so—”

“Don’t say fragile,” I demand. “Because I’m not. And not knowing, not having a family to talk to sucks like nothing else.” My voice shakes with emotion and I’m afraid I’ll lose it, but Nyla puts a hand on my shoulder and persuades me back onto the bed next to her.

“No,” he says. “Sad. And hurt. We didn’t want to hurt you any more, inflict any more pain on you than you were already suffering. I don’t know how you stood all the suffering you allowed yourself to feel. Dad was numb, he hardly felt a thing, good or bad. Me? I’ve been a step ahead of the past all my life, living in the present only, one foot in front of the other.

“But you, Brick, you felt every last bit of the misery and it’s been hard to watch.”

“You bastard. Your solution was to ignore me? To lie to me? What good did that do? Maybe I wouldn’t have felt all the guilt if you came clean from the beginning. Did you think of that?”

“Dad told me he’d take care of that, make sure you didn’t feel guilty. Nyla said she’d take the blame and leave and stay away so there was nothing to feel guilty about. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t risk telling you, risk losing your—”

“What? What did you have to lose? Did you think I’d think less of you? God damn you.” I lose it, feel pinpricks in my eyes a second before I feel Nyla up against me and her arms around me.

“No, Brick. He didn’t tell you because of his own insecurities, not yours. He had a lot of things to work through. Everyone works through things in their own way.”

“And you?” I move away from her because I can’t trust her soothing words as much as I want to.

“What other secrets do you have? What else don’t I know about that you’re hiding?” I stand and pace in a circle because I’m not ready to leave, but I can’t stand the confusion, the jumble of emotions let loose to wreak havoc in my head and heart and soul.

“She has no secrets except mine. That’s all on me,” Jimmy says quietly. “I can see now I made a terrible mistake thinking you were just a horny teen, thinking Nyla didn’t mean anything to you. I should have known better. I should have known you would never go near her even if we had broken up if you didn’t have real feelings for our Nyla.”

“Don’t’ call her that,” I turn on him. “She’s not yours.” I’m talking without thinking now, completely off the rails. I can’t bring myself to look at her but I can feel her eyes burning a hole in my heart.

He smiles, back to the affable carefree Jimmy. “Does that mean she’s yours?”

“Fuck you.” I don’t know what else to say and I still can’t meet her eyes.

“I hope so,” she says. I turn to her. She sits primly on the edge of the bed, her golden eyes and flowing mane of hair making her look like a lioness. I take a long stuttering breath.

“You should re-think that, Nyla. I’m pretty messed up. I have no idea how to have a girlfriend, how to care—”

“Bull shit,” Jimmy says. I spin around and nearly growl at him.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Shouldn’t you be getting on the road?”

“I’m staying the night and surprise—I’m coming to the homecoming party too.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” The reminder of the fucking homecoming party lands like a bucket of shit on my head.

“I hear you have a date you need to get rid of and I’m here to help.”

“What about dad? Will he be okay?”

“I made arrangements for Aunt Nellie to stay with him tonight. He’ll be fine. This is our time for brotherly bonding and I owe you.” I snort-laugh.

“And you’re going to pay me back how?”