Page 135 of The Cheerleader

Mack and Chuck stumble into the kitchen dressed in boxers. I stand in front of Susie.

“What the fuck’s going on here—?” Chuck says, stopping abruptly when he sees me trying to hide Susie’s view.

“Shit,” Mack says. “I didn’t know we had company. Be right back.” He disappears back down the hall with Chuck behind him, laughing.

“Did you hear the big news, Susie?” Eldy starts.

“How could she have heard?” I say.

“What is it?” she asks me. “Is it about football?”

I nod. “No big deal. My agent says the recruiter from the 49ers wants to meet with me⁠—”

“That’s fantastic!” She wraps me in a fierce hug. “I knew it. You’re going to play in the NFL.”

I unwrap her arms as Mack and Chuck return to the kitchen. “It’s no big deal.”

“Are you crazy?” Eldy says and turns to our roommates. “Bryan’s agent just called and told him the 49ers want to draft him and they want to meet him. They’re coming out here in a few days to⁠—”

“Hold on. You’re jumping ahead. They’re going to be on the East Coast and they might want to meet with me while they’re here. I don’t have an appointment, and I sure as hell don’t have a signed contract since we’re a few weeks away from draft day.”

“Congratulations, Bryan.” Mack ignores everything I said and shakes my hand. “You’re as good as on the team. They’d be crazy not to draft you. They need a running back, and you’re one of the best in the draft.”

“I believe in you, man,” Chuck says, giving me a slap on the back. “You’re as good as in the NFL.”

“We should celebrate,” Eldy says.

“No. It’s time for you to go home.” I look around at their grinning faces, and I strangle the lump of joy, pressing it back before I lose control. “We’ll celebrate after I sign a contract,” I promise. I don’t say it, but I can’t help thinking it.

“We have to get going too, or my mom will kill me,” Mack says to Chuck.

“I’m ready,” Chuck says, then he turns to Susie. “Looks like we’ll be seeing more of you around here next semester.” He winks, and Susie’s laugh is soft and agreeable, finding nothing awkward or wrong with Chuck’s assumption, as if she likes the idea.

I try not to stiffen, not to picture her spending time here, not to get ahead of where we are just because I want her. Badly. I push the idea from my head, keeping myself in the here and now.

Eldy finishes his coffee while Mack and Chuck get their bags and bundle out the front door.

“Guess I’m next to leave,” Eldy says, putting his empty mug in the sink for me to clean, as usual.

“Do me a favor, Dane. Give Susie a ride back to her dorm on your way out.” He knows I’m serious when I call him Dane.

He nods. “The semester is over, and Christmas break has officially begun.” His smile returns.

Susie turns to me, and the look on her face is surprised and disappointed. Then she steps back from me, nodding, her mouth flat as she recognizes reality.

She has some unfinished business to take care of with Liz. We both do.

She turns to Dane. “Thank you. I’ll only need a minute.” Turning back to me with a soft lovestruck expression that would have made my knees buckle if I didn’t suck in and tighten every muscle against it. She has feelings. The same kind I do, and I can’t let them get exposed, not until I figure out my life. Not until she figures out her life.

Not until we fix things with Liz. Fuck.

“I’m ready to go when you are,” Eldy says.

Susie grips me tighter, and I hold her, caressing her back as if to reassure her, except I feel like a fool because I have nothing real to give her, and I’m not a guy who deals in empty promises. I don’t make promises, especially not to girls.

The last and only promise I ever made was to my brother: to never quit football until football quits me. I still don’t know if it was a fucking foolish thing to promise or not. But he was dying, and my heart couldn’t say no.

I walk Susie to Eldy’s car, and she asks when she’ll see me again. The question hits me like a defensive lineman, knocking me back a few figurative steps.