Page 16 of Home Is Where You Are

“Sure. Why not?” I replied as I grabbed the dish towel hanging from the front of the stove.

She washed and I rinsed, dried, and put them away.

No words were spoken.

This seemed normal.

Almost domesticated.

Only it wasn’t either of those things.

It was painful.

Heartbreaking.

The silence between us held all the unspoken words we needed to have one day. The unspoken conversation was so relevant between us I was sure you could slice the tension with a knife. A day that I was sure might just break both of us even more than we already were. But today wasn’t that day.

Neither of us addressed it.

We just continued our tasks at hand. Neither of us were willing to break the tension. Neither of us were willing to be the first one to broach the painful memories that we’d both endured. Only one source of my pain was dealt by her hand.

And when we were finished cleaning up, she went her way and I went mine.

seven

AINSLEIGH

Iwalked away because I had to.

I left him standing there, alone in the kitchen, with no other thought on my mind except getting away, because I couldn’t handle the way he affected me. Just hearing his voice stirred up every emotion I’d buried for four years.

Just looking into his green eyes made me feel things I couldn’t allow myself to feel.

He was everything in a man that I wanted but was almost too scared to have.

Not again. Not with him. That chapter of my life needed to remain closed.

And yet, as I stole up the stairs, pain and longing flared in my chest as my thoughts immediately drew back to the man I’d just walked away from.

Even if Gentry wasn’t always a soft whisper in the back of my thoughts, he was there now–picking me up from the airport and walking around my parents’ house like he owned the place.

No one in my family had let on that they still talked to him, let alone had seen him. In the four years since I’d been gone, no one had even mentioned his name. They knew I couldn’t handle it. Maybe I should’ve asked just so I’d have been better prepared for today.

I couldn’t allow us to pick up where we’d left off. I had to come up with a plan. Tomorrow, I’d text Dylan and Aspen to get their thoughts. They knew all about Gentry. They knew all about me, except for one detail I could never bring myself to share. The most important part of me remained untold to my best friends. A secret I was sure would get out once they came here. I just hoped I’d be the one to tell them.

I undressed and grabbed my comfy pajama pants and tank top from my suitcase, hastily putting them on. Rummaging through the bag after I was dressed, I found the comfy, fluffy socks I was looking for. I hated having cold feet.

After I put them on, I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Being in this room again felt like home, yet so foreign at the same time. Everything smelled the same, yet I felt like an outsider looking in.

Looking over at the spot that plagued my thoughts, I stared at the floor. My heart pounded in my chest as memories threatened to come to the surface from the recesses of my mind where I’d left them.

I laid on the bed and shut my eyes so tight I was sure to get a headache. I didn’t care.

For a while that method worked. I pushed them back where they belonged, but that didn’t stop my heart from beating faster than normal or for a sheen of sweat to grace my entire body.

Looking over at the clock, I noticed it was only nine at night. It would be ten in Virginia right now. Way past the bedtime I was used to.

I’d concluded that I’d get no sleep in here. I needed to get away from this room.