Page 59 of Home Is Where You Are

My lip trembled at her sincerity and sweet gesture, but I couldn’t have her going through all that trouble just for me to leave again.

“No, Mom. That’s too much trouble. I’ll get better at handling it. I just need some time. I’ll see you in the morning,” I replied, hoping she could see the emotion threatening to escape.

“Just be safe, if you know what I mean,” she said with a knowing grin.

“Mom,” I gasped as I turned and opened the door, walking out of the house before I could embarrass myself further.

Gentry had the shower running as I entered his room.

“The water is nice and hot for you. Just don’t use it all,” he joked.

“I’ll try not to.” I smirked as I took my clothes into the bathroom to shower.

After both of us showered, I sat on the bed and braided my hair as he got dressed.

I didn’t know how to broach the subject of sleeping in his room again, but it appeared that I was nervous for nothing because Gentry pulled out the air mattress and readied it for the night.

He plopped down on it and covered up, then turned to face me, propping his head up with his hand.

I laid on my side and faced him, tucking my hands under the pillow so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and touch him.

“My mom knows somethin’ is up with us,” I said, breaking the silence.

“What makes you say that?”

“I ran into her in the kitchen on my way out here. I didn’t see her there when I went inside, so I don’t know when she got in there. But she asked where I was going. After I told her I was coming out here, she told me to make sure we were being safe,” I explained.

“You know that’s like reverse psychology 101, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your mom likely doesn’t know what’s goin’ on, but how’d you react when she said that?”

“I gasped and said ‘Mom’ in a shocked voice, then scurried out of there as fast as I could,” I admitted.

“That’s all she needed to know. Your reaction told her everythin’ without you admittin’ to anythin’,” he explained.

Well, I’ll be. That was how she always knew things without us telling her first. She didn’t know them at all. We told on ourselves every time. Score one for Mom.

“Crap. She won’t say anything, though.” I hoped.

“Would it be so bad if she did?”

“I don’t know, Gentry. There’s still so much we need to talk about. I don’t want to hurt you again.” That was my biggest fear. I didn’t want him to take something out of context and see more than what there was developing between us. If anything ever did. I just didn’t know how to explain everything I was feeling because I didn’t understand it myself half the time.

“Let’s hash it out here and now. I’ll start. Why don’t you love yourself?”

“Just starting out going for the jugular, huh?” I tried to make a joke, but my heart started to race at just admitting this out loud.

“I made a mess of everything when I up and left. I hated myself for a long time after I’d hurt everyone, especially you. The agony of the pain I’d inflicted kept me up most nights. But leaving here was the best thing for me at the time. I was suffocating, and I never would have even started to heal if I’d have stayed. The memories and constant reminders ate me alive more and more every day until I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Saying all that out loud for the first time felt like the biggest relief and the scariest thing at the same time.

“I’ll admit, we were all mad when you left. Your brothers were horrible to be around for months. Your mom and dad just looked sad and worried. I was angry too for the first year you were gone, but once I let go of that anger and tried to understand what made you leave and took myself out of the equation, I could forgive you. I didn’t understand your reasons for leaving, but hearing them now, I was right in my thinking. It was hard for me, losing you and her, but I knew you’d come back, and I held on to hope that when you came back you hadn’t moved on. It’s what kept me sane and warm on the lonely nights, thinking of the future I wanted us to have.”

I didn’t know how he was always so optimistic about everything, especially when there was no guarantee I’d return let alone not be with anyone. But I loved that he loved me enough to wait.

“You’re too good for me, Gentry Parkhurst,” I whispered through a yawn and closed my eyes. I couldn’t keep them open any longer.